Tomb Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were 3 men waiting to enter Heaven. Before they were allowed to enter, St. Peter asked each man individually, "Tell me, what is the meaning of Easter?"
The first man said, "Uh, isn't Easter the holiday when all you family Gets together to eat turkey and then you all watch football afterwards?"
St. Peter shook his head. "No, no, no... that's not what Easter is."
So St. Peter walked over to the second man and asked, "Tell me, what is the meaning of Easter?"
The second man replied, "Easter is that holiday where you set up a tree And decorate it and that man in the funny red suit comes down the chimney and..."
St. Peter cut him off. "No, no, no, that's not what Easter is either."
St. Peter was feeling very discouraged. Did anybody know what Easter was? He walked over to the third man and asked, "Tell me, what is the meaning Of Easter."
The third man answered, "Easter is the holiday more...

Teacher: Rumiko, be careful your purse is open. Someone might take your money!
Rumiko: Oh, no. I left it open so I can get more money.
Teacher: How can you get more money?
Rumiko: The weather report said we would have some change in our weather!

Boyfriend: What is your favorite music group?
Girlfriend: I love U2!
Boyfriend: I love you too, but what is your favorite music group?

I hear this new cemetry is very popular. People are just dying to get in.

One day a man went to see the Mozart's tomb.
When he got there, the tomb was open and Mozart was sitting there tearing up pieces of paper.
The men asked: "What are you doing with all of your great works of music?"
Mozart repied, "I'm decomposing!".

I heard this a long time ago...
There were once some music fanatics who were fascinated with the works of Ludwig von Beethoven. They listened to, and played everything that he had ever written. Finally, after years of saving, they went to Europe to see where this legend had been buried.
When they got to the cemetary, they found the tomb where his body had been laid. However, one of the fanatics saw that the door was left slightly ajar. They turned to each other, wondering if they should look in, or shut the door. They decided to look in, just out of curiosity.
Upon looking in the tomb, they saw a very strange sight. Beethoven was sitting at a desk, frantically erasing copies of everything he had ever written! "Beethoven, sir!," one of them exclaimed, "What are you doing?!"
Beethoven turned calmly to the group, and answered them. "I'm decomposing..."

"I thought he was the pizza delivery guy leaving. No wondered he smiled when I tried to give him a tip!"
"I was putting another denarius in the chariot meter!"
"With the earth shakin' and all the bright lights, we figgered we was abducted by aliens."
"Since the tomb was already empty when the stone was rolled away, I'm afraid you're speaking to the wrong department. Let me give you a BR#245-A-Res form
and direct you to Burial Services."
"As we've already stated several times before, according to the legal definition of 'escape', we emphatically deny any wrongdoing in this matter!"
"We was HYPNO-TIZED! Centurion Bobicus is still clucking like a chicken!"
"You told us to secure the tomb as best as we know how. We did! May I suggest an assessment of our current training program?
"All I know is, this better not mess up my early retirement package!"
"Hey! What'd you expect? more...

- "I thought he was the pizza delivery guy leaving. No wondered he smiled when I tried to give him a tip!"
- "I was putting another denarius in the chariot meter!"
- "With the earth shakin' and all the bright lights, we figured we was abducted by aliens!"
- "Since the tomb was already empty when the stone was rolled away, I'm afraid you're speaking to the wrong department. Let me give you a BR#245-A-Res form and direct you to Burial Services."
- "As we've already stated several times before, according to the legal definition of "escape," we emphatically deny any wrong doing in this matter!"
- "We was HYPNO-TIZED! Centurion Bobicus is still clucking like a chicken!"
- "You told us to secure the tomb as best as we know how (Mat. 27: 65). We did! May I suggest an assessment of our current training program?"
- "All I know is, this better not mess up my early retirement more...

One Easter morning, a Sunday School teacher asked her class if they knew the origins of this, special day. One young man responded immediately, "It's opening day for the Yankees and Giants."
Not wishing to stifle creative thinking, the teacher responded, "What a wonderful answer! But I had something else in mind."
A young girl then stood and remarked, "That's the day we get nice new clothes and go find the eggs from the Easter Bunny.
"That's right," said the teacher. "But there's something else just a little more important.
A young man then jumped up and yelled, "I know, I know!! After Jesus died on the cross, some of his friends buried him in a tomb they called a sepulcher."
The teacher thought, "I don't believe it, someone actually knows."
The little boy continued, "And three days later Jesus arose and opened the door of the tomb and stepped out."
"Yes, yes!" said the more...