Toddler Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Dear Santa
    I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my two children on
    demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases
    of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground
    and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash
    with staples and a glue gun.
    I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had
    to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the
    laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in
    the next 18 years.

    Here are my Christmas wishes:
    I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any
    color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the
    breeze but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy
    aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since more...

    If I like it, it's mine. If it's in my hand, it's mine. If I can take it from you, it's mine. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine. If it looks just like mine, it's mine. If I think it's mine, it's mine. If I.. .. Oops! I'm sorry, I goofed. Instead of typing in the Toddler Property Laws, I've been typing in Bill Gates' primary business plan.

    If I like it, it's mine.
    If it's in my hand, it's mine.
    If I can take it from you, it's mine.
    If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
    If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
    If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
    If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
    If I think it's mine, it's mine.
    If I...
    Oops! I'm sorry, I goofed! Instead of typing in the Toddler Property Laws, I've been typing in Bill Gates' primary Business Plan.

    I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my
    two children on demand, visited their doctor's office more than my
    doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant
    a shade tree on the school playground, and figured out how to
    attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with
    staples and a glue gun.

    I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases,
    since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the
    back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who
    knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

    Here are my Christmas wishes: I'd like a pair of legs that don't
    ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple,
    which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but
    are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy
    aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since more...

    A toddler with 8 limbs had successful surgery to remove four of those limbs. And thus the NHL lost the prospect of the greatest hockey goalie of all time.

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