Tides Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Arkansas Scholars

    Hot 5 years ago

    Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
    Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
    Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
    Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
    Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
    Q: What are steroids? A: more...

    Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
    2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
    3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
    4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
    if he can find the perfect present, again!
    5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
    answer you don't want to hear.
    6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
    7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
    to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
    monster trucks.
    8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
    every other cat.
    9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
    10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
    tides. Let it be.
    11. Shopping is not sport.
    12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
    13. You have enough more...

    Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
    Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
    Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
    Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
    Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
    Q: What are steroids? A: more...

    These, are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons.
    A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.******** Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
    A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.******** Q: How is dew formed?
    A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.******** Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
    A: Keep it in the cow.******** Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
    A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.********Q: What are steroids?
    A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.******** Q: What happens to your body as you age?
    A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.******** Q: Name a major disease more...

    One fine day in ancient Rome, Julius Caesar turned his attention to a problem plaguing his mighty empire: laundry. Getting all those white togas clean was a constant pain. He also had some weird ideas that if he could get the togas stiff enough, they would be like a light coat of armor... not enough to last through a sustained battle, but enough to ward off an assassin's arrow.

    He figured the easiest way to get this done on a large scale would be to dump a bunch of detergent into a tidal pool, and dump the toga's in afterwards. (This was two thousand years ago... the environmental movement was restricted to a few druids here and there). The gentle motion of the tides would wash the dirt out. Afterwards, all that would have to be done would be to throw some starch in, and then pull the toga's out to dry.

    He assigned this task to some of his scientists and engineers. They started executing his plan, and all was going well until they threw in the starch. The goddess more...

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