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    A Lawyer

    Hot 1 year ago

    A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train.

    The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying that, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle thru it. All the others are quite impressed.

    The Cuban takes out a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigare and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away...". Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas thru the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed.

    At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer more...

    1.Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your passenger order. 2.Ask prices of everything on the menu then order something that you did not ask the price for. 3.Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window. 4.Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight. 5.Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped. 6.Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in. 7.When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on. 8.Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup. 9.Ask how they fit into that little box. 10.If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on. 11.Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said "May I take your order?" 12.When asked if they can take your order say more...

    Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.
    You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.
    You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.

    Da Nite Befo' Crizmus
    Wuz da nit befo Crizmus
    An all thru da hood
    eberybody be sleepin'
    Dey wuz sleepin real good
    We hunged up our stockins
    An hoped like all heck
    Dat' ol Sanny Claws
    Gonna brang us our check
    All a da fambly
    wuz layin' in beds
    while Thunderbird wine
    Danced thru dere heds
    I dun passed out on de flo
    rite nex to my maw
    when I heared such a fuss
    I thunk - it must be da law
    I looked out thru da bars
    what could I now do
    I was spectin' the sheriff
    Wid a warrant fo sho'
    An what I did see
    Made me say. .."Lawd look at dat
    Dere wuz a huge watahmelon
    Pulled by 8 big ass rats
    Now ober all da years
    Sanny Claws he be white
    but it looks like us bros
    gets a black Sanny tonight
    Faster dan a po lice car
    My homeboy he came
    He whupped up on dem rats
    As he called dem by name
    On Leroy, On Roosevelt
    On Virvus, On more...

    A group of doctors go duck hunting for the first time. The family practitioner looks thru the site, aims, & says, "Well, I think there is something out there, but I better get another opinion."

    The internist takes the rifle, looks, & says, "I see something that is flying, but I'm not sure what it is. I better make a referral."

    The neurologist takes the rifle, looks, & says, "Hmmmm, It may be ducks, but to be sure, I better get some tests."

    The psychiatrist then looks thru the rifle & says, "Vell, zay look like ducks, zay act like ducks, but I don't know if zay zink zay are ducks. I zink I better get a consult."

    The surgeon picks up the rifle, points & fires all over the sky. "Blam, blam, blam, blam, blam!"

    All sorts of things fall from the sky & land at his feet. The surgeon points to them & says to the pathologist, "Make sure they're ducks!"

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