A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, D.C., came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual."
He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?"
The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends; the press called him on the lie about Iraq trying to buy uranium from Niger, and now Campbell Brown is threatening to sue him for a sexual innuendo he made at a recent press conference. So we're taking up a collection for him."
The lobbyist asks, "How much have you got so far?"
The officer replies, "About 14 more...
A chauffeur for Yoko Ono has been arrested for trying to extort $2 million from her by threatening to circulate embarrassing photos, according to police.
I guess he hadn't seen this album cover or he would have realized it was useless to try to embarrass her with photographs.
Next thing you know someone's going to blackmail her by threatening to circulate atonal, horrible sounding, avant-garde recordings.
In an ABC interview last night Sarah Palin struggled with foreign policy questions. In particular, she was unable to describe President Bush's doctrine of pre-emptive strikes against threatening nations. In all fairness, President Bush can't describe President Bush's doctrine of pre-emptive strikes against threatening nations. Palin also admitted she had never met any foreign heads of state. Well, except for one--Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The fellow stormed into the postmaster's office in a fury. "I've been getting threatening letters in the mail for months and I want them stopped."
"Of course," said the postmaster. "Sending threatening letters through the mail is a federal offense. Do you know who's
"Yes," shouted the man. "It's those idiots down at the Internal Revenue Service."
Early last week, a 36-year-old grade-school science teacher arrived at school and was unlocking her classroom when she was shot. She was seriously wounded but survived, and at the hospital, she described the shooter as a 19 or 20 year old Hispanic man and said she'd received threatening letters from an anonymous man recently, but had no idea who he was or why he was threatening her. This was the top news story for two days.
++ Now, there are *two* absurd aspects to this story. Number one: As soon as someone discovered the woman had been shot, the school was evacuated and SWAT team members and other authorities were swarming all over the place. All the people evacuated were adult employees of the school, as it was too early in the morning for the kids to be there. The evacuees were herded onto a school bus and, without being given details on what the hell was going on, they were rushed at top speed to........... counseling! We just about fell off our chairs laughing when we more...