Thomas Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

    Punctuation Changes!

    Hot 6 years ago

    Why English Teachers Are Important: The Words are the same. Only the punctuation changes...
    Dear Thomas,
    I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy-will you let me be yours?
    Dear Thomas,
    I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours,

    10. Helen Thomas Eatons, of Duke University -
    9. Mary Ellen Dickinson, of Indiana University of Pennsylvania -
    8. Francis Kevin Kissinger, of Las Verdes University -
    7. Amanda Sue Pickering, of Purdue University -
    6. Ida Beatrice Ballinger, of Ball State University -
    5. Bradley Thomas Kissering, of Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton, Canada -
    4. Isabelle Haydon Adcock, of Toys "R" Us -
    3. Martha Elizibeth Cummins, of Fresno University -
    2. George David Blowmer, of Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc. -
    1. Barbara Joan Beeranger, of Myplace Home Decorating -

    6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell
    6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
    6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
    6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
    6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
    7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
    7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
    7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
    8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
    8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
    8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
    8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
    8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future
    9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
    9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
    9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires
    9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
    10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
    10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: more...

    A little Thomas comes home from his first day at school.
    His mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"
    Little Thomas replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

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