Theatre Jokes

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge.The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

...doughnuts are in the official church budget.. ..they have to rope off the last pews in church so the front isn't empty.. ..you're watching "Star Wars" in the theatre and when they say, "May the force be with you," the theatre replies, "and also with you.". ..you tap a church visitor on the shoulder and say, "excuse me, but you're in my seat.". ..you doodle on the back of communion cards.. ..you can say the meal prayer all in one breath.. ..Bach is your favorite composer just because he was Lutheran, too.. ..you hesitate to clap for the church choir or special music because "it just wasn't done that way in the old days."

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

A rather 'large' woman arrived at the theatre just before the performance began, and handed the usher two tickets.
"Where is the other party?" the usher asked.
Blushing, the woman explained, "Actually, both tickets are for me. You see, one seat is a little small for me and rather uncomfortable, so I bought two."
"That's fine with me, lady," said the usher, scratching his head. "There's just one problem though."
"Oh? What would that be?" the woman asked.
"Your seats are numbered forty-six and fifty-nine!" he replied.

The Godfather of Soul, James Brown, died Dec. 25th of congestive heart failure. However his corpse is still scheduled to tour.
12.28.06 Apollo Theatre New York, NY
12.30.06 James Brown Theatre Augusta, GA