Teacher Jokes / Recent Jokes

Use the Word...

Hot 3 months ago

Teacher: Jimmy, use the word "handsome" in a sentence.
Jimmy: Handsome gum over will ya?
Teacher: No, no, that's not right. You have one more chance. Use the word "gladiator" in a sentence.
Jimmy: A monster ate my sister and I'm gladiator.

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders,
using a bowl of Lifesavers.
The children began to say:
"Red... cherry,"
"Yellow... lemon,"
"Green... lime,"
"Orange... orange,"
Finally the teacher gave them all honey Lifesavers.
After eating them none of the children could identify the taste.
"Well," he said, "I'll give you all a clue; It's what your mother may
sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her Lifesaver out and yelled:
"Oh, my God! They're assholes!!!

Johnny Gets Promoted

Hot 3 months ago

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. One day she asked Johnny what his problem was. He replied, "I'm too smart for the first grade, my sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than her to." The teacher took him to the principals office and explained the situation to the
principal.The principal told her that he would give Johnny a test, and if he failed to answer one question he would have to go back to the first grade and be quiet.The teacher and Johnny both agreed.Principal: "what is 3 x 3" Johnny: "9"Principal: "6 x 6" Johnny: "36"And so it went on like this, the principal asked him every question a third grader should know. Finally after about an hour he told the teacher "I see no reason Johnny can't go to the third grade, he answered all of my questions right." The teacher asked if she could ask him some questions. The principal and Johnny agree.Teacher: "What does a cow have 4 more...

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!

Honey Lifesavers

Hot 2 months ago

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of Lifesaver candies and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these." The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons, and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored Lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped. "I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your mommy and daddy probably call each other all the time." Instantly, Lil' Johnnie coughed his onto the floor and shouted, "Spit 'em out! Spit 'em out! They're assholes!!"

Buckwheat 'n Darla

Hot 2 months ago

Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asked Darla, 'How do you spell 'dumb'?"Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb.""Now spell 'stupid'."Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d."The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."Then the teacher call on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell dictate."Buckwheat stands up and says, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence." "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"

Calculators

Hot 3 months ago

Kurt and Megan (a blonde) were bored in math class and one day when they decided to play "The Calculator Game". I'm sure many people reading this remember it - it's the one where you enter "1 + 1 =" into your calculator and continue pressing the "=" sign. The goal is to see who can get to the highest number while the math teacher is talking. Bring back any memories? Anyways, Kurt and Megan waited until the teacher started talking, and the contest was on! Fingers were pushing the "=" sign like mad. A hour and a half later, Kurt and Megan compared results. Kurt showed his number: 5,318,008. Megan said, "I don't get it. I was feeling so clever and I thought I'd play a trick on you, but I'm still at 1!!!"
"Well, what trick did you play?" Said Kurt.
Megan said, "I know that multiplication makes numbers bigger than addition does, so instead of pushing 1 + 1 =, =, =, =,..., I pushed 1 x 1 = = = = =..."