Tan Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An old mountain man in Arkansas was sick and bedridden. He had not been outdoors for a few weeks and had a sharp craving for a meal of wild squirrel. He summoned his half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to go squirrel hunting and bring him back a squirrel or two. He also told his son to be very careful not to shoot the squirrel in the head as he would need its brains later to "tan" the squirrel's pelt. (Tanning a skin using the animal's brains is a common practice in certain areas, it generally takes about one brain to tan one skin). The idiot son spent most of the day searching the woods for tree squirrels, but was not having any luck. Finally, high up in a sweet-gum tree, he spotted a squirrel's head sticking out from a hole. He remembered his Pa's admonitions to save the brains. After deciding he may not have another chance, he shot it in the head, thus ruining the brains. r His sick Pa was upset, "I can't tan that skin without no brains!" he said, more...

    A rather well-proportioned secretary, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation
    sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day
    but, on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and
    she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard
    someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just
    pulled a towel over her rear.

    "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel,
    out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you
    sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a
    bathing suit as you did yesterday."
    "What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me
    up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

    "Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the more...

    Mahathir was so disappointed with his cabinet for being inefficient and corrupt that he decided to call on Goh Chok Tong and ask him how he managed to have such an efficient and incorruptible cabinet. On hearing Mahathir's woes, PM Goh said,' Simple, Mahathir, I choose able men for my cabinet.' Mahathir asked,' Yes, but how do you know that they are able?' PM Goh replied,' Just ask them simple questions to test their intelligence. They don't need to be too difficult. Let me illustrate to you.' Just then, Tony Tan was walking by, PM Goh called out to him,' Hey Tony, come over here.' Tony obediently walked briskly over. PM Goh asked,' Tell me, Tony, who is your father's son? ' Tony Tan immediately replied,' Me! Of course.' PM Goh turned to Mahathir and said,' See, all my ministers can answer this question. Why don't you go back and try.' Mahathir thank PM Goh and left. Once he was back, he immediately summoned Anwar, his deputy, and shot the question at him,' Tell me, Anwar, who is your more...

    Lawyers don't tan, they just appeal.

    A wealthy young Wall Street stockbroker was admiring his physique nude before the mirror one day. The picture was perfectly toned and buffed except for the lack of a tan. So, he flew to California for the weekend to get a tan. Back in his luxurious New York condo, he stripped bare to get another look at his own great beauty. He was shocked to see that he had a little white triangle in a strategic location. Well, that just wouldn't do! The next weekend, he flew back to his favorite beach in California. He found a secluded, quiet spot and stripped off his attire and laid down on the sand. Then he proceeded to cover up all his body with the sand, except for the part that was a tiny white triangle. He soon relaxed and fell asleep. While he napped, two elderly ladies came slowly along the water's edge, clinging to each other and their canes for support. When they saw the strange thing planted in the sand, one lady turned to the other and said, "Eloise, when I was 20, I was scared of more...

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