Taker Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa was sitting on his porch, when a man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.
"What can I do for you?" Santa politely asked. "You selling something?"
"No, sir, I`m not. I`m a Census Taker," the man replied.
"A what?" Santa asked, more confused than ever.
"A Census Taker," he explained. "We`re trying to find out how many people are in the India."
"Well, you`re wasting your time here," Santa answered finally. "I have no idea."

A blonde was sitting on her porch, when a man approached her with a pad and pencil in his hand.
"Can I help you?" asked the blonde. "Are you selling something?
"No, I'm not selling anything," replied the man. "I'm a Census Taker."
"You're a what?" the puzzled blonde asked.
"A Census Taker. We're trying to find out how many people are in the United States," explained the man.
"Well, you're wasting your time here," the blonde replied. "I have no idea!"

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.
She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen."
"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins every time?"
The woman answered, "Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin'."

Santa was sitting on his porch, when a man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.
"What can I do for you?" Santa politely asked. "You selling something?"
"No, sir, I'm not. I'm a Census Taker," the man replied.
"A what?" Santa asked, more confused than ever.
"A Census Taker," he explained. "We're trying to find out how many people are in the India."
"Well, you're wasting your time here," Santa answered finally. "I have no idea."

As Hostage Taker: Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom. Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return, send the others to see what's taking him so long. Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make you demands. Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room. Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener. Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go. Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a paper-rock scissors tournament. Forget your gun at home. Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a "meanie". Ask the negotiator to tell your fiancee that this is all a joke and would she marry you. As Negotiator: Ask the hostage taker if he/she would more...

The United States 2000 census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman.
"Oh, don't be alarmed, sir," she said. "I'm a nudist."
Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the routine questions. "How many children do you have?" he asked.
"Eighteen." The lady replied.
"Lady," the census taker gasped, "you're not a nudist - You just don't have time to get dressed!"

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread." Stutter on the letter "p" Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!) Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise more...