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    Arkansas Scholars

    Hot 5 years ago

    Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
    Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
    Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
    Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
    Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
    Q: What are steroids? A: more...

    An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of
    water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the
    sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a
    shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
    He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers that he has
    a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there may be a drop or two left in
    the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie. But, this is no
    ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Hassidic rabbi, complete with black
    alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc.
    "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."
    "I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a Jewish
    genie!"
    "What do you have to lose? It looks like you're a goner anyway!" The Arab
    thinks about more...

    A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when he suddenly sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
    He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. He's wearing an IRS ID badge and dull gray suit. There's a calculator in his pocket and a pencil tucked behind one ear.
    "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."
    "I'm not falling for this," says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS auditor."
    "What do you have to lose!? You don't have any transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!" replies the genie.
    The man thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis more...

    An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!." There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay... NOW you're screwed."

    An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a blood thirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm doomed!"There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: "No my son, you are NOT doomed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."So the explorer picks up the stone and attacks the chief, feverishly bashing at his head with all his strength. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.The voice booms out again: "Okay... NOW you're doomed."

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