Sent to me by a Guamanian friend...
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM GUAM
Tis the night before Christmas
and Santa's relaxed.
Guam's surf is up-
Santa's surf board is waxed.
The Zories are hung
by the Aircon with care,
And the Kiddies all know
Santa soon will be there.
Once the tide goes out,
and he's through "hangin' ten"
He'll stop to see Barbara,
and Charlie, and Ben.
A snack's been prepared
by Becky and Sam.
It's that old island favorite:
Tortillas and Spam.
After giving out presents,
for his surfboard he'll reach.
Santa's parting remark will be
"Back to the Beach!"
He'll join all those tourists
who visit for fun.
When it comes to vacations,
he says, "Guam's number one!"
And you'll hear him exclaim
'ere he boogies away:
Merry Christmas to all,
And to all, "Hafa Adai!"
A pastor wanted to be "trendy" and "appeal to the youth". So he decided to preach a sermon which took all of its illustrations from surf boarding. He spent a week preparing the message, and was pretty pleased with the results.
However, his wife was considerably less enthusiastic. On Sunday morning she refused to accompany him to church and said, "Merle, if you're gonna preach about surf boarding, I'm not gonna sit in the congregation and be embarrassed."
The pastor walked to church and decided that perhaps his wife was right. So he preached a sermon on Christian views of sex - what was and was not appropriate behavior for Christians. Not wanting to admit to his wife that she was right (No husband ever admits his wife was right if he can help it.), the pastor said nothing of his changed sermon.
A couple days later the wife was grocery shopping and met a member of the congregation. The member commented, "That was a magnificent sermon that more...
Every day the same old thing
Essays, reading, handwriting
I do it all while sitting here
With a very tempting computer near.
I try to ignore the silent plea
"Please, surf the net on me"
I, for a while I ignore the call
By writing a paper on the Taj Mahal.
It gets to me
I shove my work out of the way
(Don't worry I'll do it another day).
The screen savers gone when I click on the mouse
A happy blue glow fills up the house
I open the Internet, "Whoopitydee"
I yell (there are 5 new emails for me).
When I've replied I surf the net
Is there anything exciting? You bet!
I'll do this while the sun fades away
Marking the end of another long day
But I will not notice, oh no not me
I'll be too wrapped up in my computer you see.
The Yuppette watched from the beach at Hilton Head as her son built sand castles near the surf. The boy got up, took a few steps, slipped and was pulled out by a strong undertow.
"Help! Help!" she screamed.
A Life Guard hearing her cries spotted the boy and ran the rescue. He dove into the pounding surf and finally pulled the child to safety on the shore. He then applied mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, and in a few moments, the boy began to cough.
"There ya are Miss. I think he'll be just fine now. But you might want to visit a doctor to be sure."
"Yes, yes!" she replied. "But he was wearing a new hat and sunglasses."