Summer Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was the first day of grade school and the teacher asked the children what they had done over the summer.
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I went for a ride on the choo-choo."
"That's very nice," the teacher said, "but now that we are in first grade, we don't say choo-choo, we say train."
The next child raised her hand and said, "I had to have an operation on my tummy this summer."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said the teacher, "but now that we are in first grade, we don't say tummy, we say stomach."
The third child stood up, feeling quite smart and grown-up, and said, "This summer we got to go to DisneyWorld and I met Winnie the Shit!"

You Know You're From Connecticut When...
You have hiked up a big hill or small mountain at least once for a keg party.
You never went to a bar in high school.
You thought that the only highways were 91 and 84.
You thought everyone couldn't buy beer after 8 pm
You actually thought that Hartford was big
You or someone you know has attended UCONN
You drive a JETTA
You still think that the Whalers are cool.
You have been to Misquamicut and to that little hot dog place.
There is a farm within miles of your house
You thought bars were really for people over 21
Your high school thanksgiving football game was the highlight of your school year.
You don't have an accent when you talk.
You have known at least 2 preppy rich kids from Fairfield who listen to Phish.
You love Hilton Kaderli and your mom cried when he retired.
UConn basketball rules and no one can tell you different
You have deer in your backyard.
You didn't more...

One summer spring afternoon little Timmy wanted to use the little boys room, to his suprise when he walked in his mommy was taking a bath and humming away to her suprise seeing little timmy who was only three she tries to cover herself as fast as she could, but little timmy being curious as he was ask mommy,
what is that black mushy thingy just under her belly button, as shocked as she was she replys comly, " now Timmy thats mommy's sponge." That was a reasonable answer for a curious little timmy so he wonders off to his daily activities, The summer rolls around and Timmy was on his way to the little boys room,
and to his suprise he runs in to mommy in the shower and this time something was different to his eyes so he asks, " mommy where is ur sponge?" As shocked as she was she replys, "Timmy I lost it when I cleanded the bathroom last week. timmy sadened by this promises his mother that he would do every thing to
find her the sponge. Later that more...

Mandy was applying for a summer job. How old are you? asked the owner of the store. Im twelve years old, Sir, answered Mandy. And what do you expect to be when you grow up? Twenty one, Sir.

One day in summer, Jack was going to visit his friend John. When he got to his house, he saw John, who was dressed in his warmest winter coats.
"What are you doing? Are you nuts? It's the middle of summer!" cried Jack.
"I am painting my house. And on the can, it says you must put two coats on."

In the summer desert heat, what did a dust devil say to the over-talkative dust devil?-You are really blowing a lot of hot air

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he`s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he`s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor more...