Suing Jokes

Dear Ann Landers: So you like "crazy lawsuits?" In the three years I have been writing the Random Nuts column for Graffiti magazine, I've collected some doozies and am pleased to pass some of the best along to you. Here they are:* After he threatened to sue McDonald's for $5 million, a former research scientist was arrested for extortion. The scientist claimed he ate part of a fried rat tail he found in a bag of Happy Meal french fries, but a grand jury said the tail came from one of his own laboratory rats.* A convict wants $1,000 because the state of New York made him eat "vegetable diet loaf" as a punishment for violating prison rules.* Another prisoner is suing because he says secondhand smoke from other inmates is ruining his health, though he smokes himself.* The all-time Random Nuts champ has to be a convicted Brooklyn burglar who is suing the state for $989 billion because prison guards beat up his jacket, which he wasn't wearing at the time.* In Boston, more...

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

Well anyway, the other day this guy walked into the District, and he said he was going to sue the district, so I asked him, why are you suing the district, so he tells me, well I brought my dog here because supposedly this is the best district in which to train, and I payed them $10, 000 USC, and they told me after they are done with my dog, he will the best trained dog I will ever have.
But the reason I am suing is because all the darn dog wants to do is go and sit at Dunkin Donuts.

An inmate in Virginia sued himself for $5,000,000 for 'violating his rights by getting himself in prison.' However, since he can't get an income in prison, he requests that the government pay the money for him.
A woman sued Kenmore Inc., after she gave her poodle a bath. She stuck him in the microwave on low to dry him off, and is suing Kenmore for the death of her dog.
Four women have sued an Irvine restaurant after one of them claims she found a condom in her clam chowder when dining there last year.
A 10-year-old boy tried to sue his landlord, because, he says, the toilet exploded when he flushed it.
A 27-year-old man tried rocking a vending machine back and forth so he could try to steal a coke from it... and the machine fell on top of him. He is suing the station.
A woman in a California grocery store dropped a beer bottle on her foot. She is suing the store. It didn't leave any damage says reporters, but the lady claims 'it hurt.'
A man is suing American more...

The guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was suing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to his grounds for the suite.
"Can you belive my wife says I"m a lousy lover?" sputtered the husband.
"that's why you're suing?" asked the lawyer.
"Of course not. I'm suing because she knows the difference."