A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
"Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"
Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"
A Yankee fan, a Met fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together on the subway when the lights go out and the car goes completely dark. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap.
When the subway car's lights come back on, Pamela Anderson and the Met fan are sitting as if nothing happened, and the Yankee fan is holding his slapped face.
The Yankee fan is thinking, "That Met fan must have kissed Pamela and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead."
Pamela is thinking, "That Yankee fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Met fan, and got slapped for it."
And the Met fan is thinking, "This is great. The next time the subway car's lights go out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that @!#%!! Yankee fan again."
I saw a girl being raped in a subway the other night, and did nothing.
But to be honest, it did put me off my Steak and cheese melt a bit.
Sitting on the subway today, I glanced over at the woman beside me. I noticed that she had a Mensa button clipped on her bag. The button read:
M E N S A K O R E A
* * ***
I A R E A M E N S A N
All I could think was "who was the genius that approved that button?"
A boy walks onto a crowded subway and takes a seat in front of a heavy women.
The woman says "If you were a gentelman, you would stand up and ley someone else sit down".
The boy replies "and if you were a lady, you would stand up and let four people sit down".