Style Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout." You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?" The Englishman spoke first." Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men." "That can be arranged," said the terrorist. The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men." The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management." The terrorist turned finally to the American." What is your last request?" more...

A long New Orleans style funeral procession passes by, but instead of a jazz band, it’s lead by a man walking a lion. Behind the coffin walk at least 200 people. A bystander asks the man, “What’s going on? ”
“My lion ate my lawyer and this is his funeral, ” is the reply.

“Could I borrow your lion? ” asks the bystander. “I’ve got a lawyer I’d like to have eaten. ”

“Sorry, but you’ll have to get at the end of that line, ” said the man, pointing to the 200 people following the coffin.

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise
money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to
your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the
underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you
have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one more...

A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter.
In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The
contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin,
San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will
proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa,
Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and
on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that
reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate
your guns."
The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

How to Hunt Elephants -- Math style Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwingout everything that is not an elephant, and catching one ofwhatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove theexistence of at least one elephant and leave the capture ofan actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduatestudents. Sent by Alex

How to Hunt Elephants -- Comp Sci Style Computer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A: 1. Go to Africa2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately East and West. 4. During each traverse a. Catch each animal seen b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant c. Stop when a match is detected. Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A byplacing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that thealgorithm will terminate. Sent by Alex

So, these two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex in someone's front lawn.

"Look", he shouts, "What are the those dogs doing? Are they fighting?" The passenger, being a man of the world, replies, "They are having sex. Don't tell me that you have never had sex doggie style before?" The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex doggie style. So the passenger says, "You have to try it. Its pretty cool. Here's what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife a margarita and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual position." The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a try.

So the next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the passenger asks, "Well. How did it go?" To which the driver replies, "It was more...