Streets Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I sometimes feel so bad about things that I wonder if I am sane. I see so many people acting so stupidly in the world, that what they do makes no sense. Maybe I'm the only sane person and everyone else is crazy! It seems like the world has gotten both stupider and nastier over the years, or at least the U.S. has.
    It is the asinine stupidity - and plain arrogance - of people that makes me sick. The District of Columbia is damn near so bankrupt it would be "30c short of a quarter." The Financial Control Board gave a timid order to Mayor-for-life Marion "Snort, Snort" Barry to cut 6,000 city employees.
    Washington is so obscenely overstaffed that the number of people that should be cut from its payroll is more like 60,000! This isn't cutting the payroll, this is giving it a manicure! People are practically calling this near-nothing cutback a "meat axe" approach!
    All the while the city goes deeper into red ink. I'm thinking, when the city does go more...

    In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.
    It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia.
    Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law.
    In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.
    In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.
    In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours.
    In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset.
    In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday.
    In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed.
    In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman.
    French Lick Springs, more...

    After many long and fruitful years, ex-President George Bush dies and goes to Heaven. Within the first few months of eternity, he finds Moses walking the streets of gold. Thinking to himself: "It would be interesting to compare notes, head-of-state to head-of-state." he approaches Moses. Moses sees him coming, turns white and runs the other way! Puzzled by this reaction, George goes on his way in paradise. A few hundred years pass, and George Bush again sees Moses walking the streets of Gold. This time he is able to stand right beside Moses before Moses notices him. George asks: "Why did you run away from me the first time we saw each other? All I wanted to do was discuss the aspects of being head-of-state with you." Moses replies: "Well, the last time I spoke to a 'Bush', I wound up spending 40 years in the wilderness!"

    One day, two drunks were stumbling around in the streets of New York, when they decided that they were beginning to get sober. They checked their pockets to see how much money they had on them. They were disappointed to only find $1.25.
    Finally after a period of deep and intense thought, one of the men got an idea. He went to a hot dog stand, bought a hot dog, and went to a bar to begin drinking. They did shot after shot, until the bartender told the two that if they wanted any more drinks they better show him that they had some money to pay for them. The man with the hot dog opened his zipper and put the wiener through the opening. He had his friend get down and start sucking on it. The bartender cursed them and made them leave. They went to bar after bar with this routine until they were dog drunk. They staggered out into the streets, satisfied and wasted.
    "Man," one of the drunks said, "I've got to admit, that hot dog trick worked more...

    Owners of Target franchises make plans to open stores back up again.
    Instead of saying "We are under attack, please take shelter," citizens are now told, "Here we go again, you know the drill."
    Everyone wears sunglasses all the time.
    Sarcastic giggling heard just behind live CNN reporters.
    Yesterday's lead headline in most Iraqi newspapers was "NBA Lockout Continues."
    Every time a bomb explodes, Iraqi class clown yells out, "Oh my Allah, you've killed Achmet! You INFIDELS!"
    Instead of running for cover at the sound of the air raid sirens, the Iraqis do the "Tomahawk Chop."
    Hussein's latest address to the nation included the line, "We must resist the Great Satan, yadda yadda yadda...."
    Christiane Amanpour is being invited to rooftop bomb watching parties all over Baghdad.
    Baghdad High's senior class has playfully painted a bull's-eye on the roof of the school.
    Iraqi Television Network more...

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