Squawked Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Don't Hit The Ducks

    Hot 2 years ago

    Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.

    Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen.

    St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule:
    Don't hit the ducks.
    The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks "The ducks?"
    "Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are millions of ducks walking around the course and if one gets hit, he squawks then the one next to him squawks and soon they're all squawkin to beat the band, and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks, you'll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy."
    After entering the course, the men noted that there was indeed a gaggle of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit one of them. The duck squawked, the one next to it squawked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck more...

    An elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not much trouble. The pet store owner suggested a parrot, showed it to her and guaranteed her it would be a wonderful companion. The woman asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays. The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there. She bought the parrot and for the next week spent time getting to know him. Assured that he spoke properly and was well behaved, she put him on her shoulder and went off to church. Just as everyone quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's goddamned cold in here!" Everyone turned to look at her and she ran out of the church in total embarrassment! All the next week, she talked to the parrot explaining the necessity to remain quiet during church. The parrot understood so she put him on her shoulder and went to church the following Sunday. Once again, just more...

    An elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not much trouble.
    The pet store owner suggested a parrot, showed it to her and guaranteed her it would be a wonderful companion.
    The woman asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays.
    The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there.
    She bought the parrot and for the next week spent time getting to know him.
    Assured that he spoke properly and was well behaved, she put him on her shoulder and went off to church.
    Just as everyone quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's goddamned cold in here!"
    Everyone turned to look at her and she ran out of the church in total embarrassment! All the next week, she talked to the parrot explaining the necessity to remain quiet during church.
    The parrot understood so she put him on her shoulder and went to more...

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