Sperm Jokes / Recent Jokes
Question: What do you call a hooker with white eyes?
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
A couple months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done.
The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.
The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.
Doctor: What was the problem?
Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand... nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand... nothing. Her left hand... nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth... still nothing.
Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!
Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.
Why does it take 100 sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
Because men won't stop for directions!
Q. How do you know when a guy has a high sperm count?
A. You have to chew before you swallow!!
man wearing a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shot
gun. "Open the safe!" he yells at the girl
behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank" replies the
girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".
"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow
your head off!" She obliges and opens the safe
"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"
"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies
"Don't argue, just drink it" he says.
She prys off the cap and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink it too!"
The girl drinks another one.
Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the girl's
amazement it's her husband...
"Not that damn difficult, is it?" he says.
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor
gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample
The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him
the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks
what happened, and the man explains, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried
with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then
her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with the teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady
next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked, "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get more...