Somewhat Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
    He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
    on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
    would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go for me carrying on like
    that," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after
    that they got married.
    A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they
    lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because
    he had to walk. On is way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma
    of baked beans overwhelmed him.
    Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill
    affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had
    three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he "putt-putted". more...

    At 85 years of age, a somewhat senile Morris marries Luanne, a lovely 25-year-old.
    Because her new husband is so old, Luanne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
    After the wedding festivities, Luanne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door.
    Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of Luanne, and she prepares to go to sleep.
    After a few minutes, Luanne hears another knock on her bedroom door.
    It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Luanne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Luanne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves. Luanne is set to go to sleep again.
    However, after a few short more...

    At 85 years of age, a somewhat senile Morris marries Luanne, a lovely 25-year-old.Because her new husband is so old, Luanne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.After the wedding festivities, Luanne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door.Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of Luanne, and she prepares to go to sleep.After a few minutes, Luanne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Luanne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Luanne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves. Luanne is set to go to sleep again.However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock more...

    At 85 years of age, Wally married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
    After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more "action". Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
    She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Wally is back again, rapping more...

    If you get in my way, I'll kill you! - ideal project manager
    If you get in my way, you'll kill me! - somewhat less than ideal project manager
    If I get in my way, I'll kill you! - somewhat misguided project manager
    If I get in your way, I'll kill you! - A tough project manager (eats glass, live cats, etc.)
    If get kill in will way I you. - dyslexic, functionally illiterate project manager
    I am the way! Kill me if you can! - messianic project manager
    Get away, I'll kill us all! - suicidal project manager
    If you kill me, I'll get in your way. - thoughtful but ineffective project manager
    If I kill you I'll get in your way. - project manager who has trouble dealing with the obvious
    If a you getta ina my way, I gonna breaka you arm. - project manager from New York
    I am quite confident that there is nothing in the way, so no one will get killed. - project manager who is about to get in big trouble
    If you kill me, so what? If you get in my way, who more...

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