Solid Jokes

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    Malaysia

    Hot 8 years ago

    NATIONAL FLOWER: Bunga Raya (Hibiscus). NATIONAL CAR: Proton. 2nd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Kancil. 3rd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Tikus it's suppose to be half the size of the Kancil, but somehow Malaysian drivers will still be able to squeeze in 6 or 7 passengers. NATIONAL BEHAVIOR AT CAR SHOWROOMS: First walk towards the car you are interested in. Then walk around the car in circles, tapping and knocking every part of the chassis with your knuckles. Then say something like "Body not very solid..." After that approach the front left tire, give it a few hard kicks to "test" the tire. Next walk to the rear right side and press the body of the car down a few times, while exclaiming "wah, asorbar not bad". Now you are ready for a "test drive" Get into the car and give the steering wheel a few turns. Flash the lights, sound the horn, recline the seats, open up every compartment etc. Do all these tests while you're pretending to read the more...

    Some time ago, I was taking a ground school class for private pilots.
    During the sessions on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept
    of sublimation - the act of going from a gas to a solid skipping the
    intermediate stage(s). e.g., frost - water vapor in the air becoming a
    solid on surfaces without first going through the liquid stage.
    Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept, the instructor asked
    if anyone could provide an example of something that went straight from a
    solid to a gas (expecting "dry ice" as the answer), a previously unknown
    section of my mind took control of my mouth and immediately emitted the word
    "burrito."
    It took the instructor about 10 minutes to regain an academic composure.

    The Clintons had the Gores over for dinner one night at the White House. During dinner, Al excused himself to use the bathroom. A few minutes later, he returned, they finished dinner and left.
    On the drive home, Al turned to Tipper and said, "Were you aware that Bill has a solid gold urinal in his bathroom? How can we possibly tell the American people we're serious about cutting the budget when the President has a solid gold urinal?"
    "There must be some mistake," Tipper replied. "I'll telephone Hillary when we get home and ask her about it."
    When they arrived home, Tipper phoned Hillary and asked, "Is it true that Bill has a solid gold urinal in his bathroom?"
    Hillary covered the receiver with her hand and whispered, "Bill, I've just discovered who peed in your saxaphone!"

    The following is a list of the Cartoon Laws Of Physics:
    Cartoon Law I
    Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
    Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second takes over.
    Cartoon Law II
    Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
    Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
    Cartoon Law III
    Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
    Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure more...

    THE LAWS OF CARTOON PHYSICS
    By Trevor Paquette and Lt. Justin D. Baldwin
    Cartoon Law I: Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
    Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
    Cartoon Law II: Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
    Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
    Cartoon Law III: Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
    Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims more...

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