Did you hear the sad news? Our team is so bad that our shortstop tried to kill herself yesterday by jumping in front of a car. Luckily in went right through her legs like everything else.
At least our team is trying to win a game. Coach went out and set up our new pitching machine the other day. Unfortunately it beat us 4-1.
Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position. Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied. Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre." Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team. Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your more...
The wind blew so much dust around the field today, we couldn't even see who was beating us.
Softball is better than baseball because the Seventh Inning Stretch means stand up and go home.