Sneezing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable. Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual. EXAMPLES: 1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake. 25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese and mushrooms. 53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries. 53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings. PREPARING THE BEDROOM Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned) ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS Hiding the sex manual: 3 Decanting the wine: 4 Without a corkscrew: 268 MAKING THE FIRST MOVE If you are shy: 15 If you are anxious: 43 If you beg: 100 SEDUCING THE PARTNER If you are more...

    Authorities said a sneezing fit caused 25-year-old Ramon Stephen Ayala to lose control of his vehicle at 1:00 a.m. Saturday and hit a home. Ayala was sneezing because he is allergic to Jim Beam.

    We have a problem with one of our regular nurses. It happened just this
    morning.
    She just kept sneezing.
    A second nurse asked, "Are our okay?"
    "Yeah," I'm okay," said the first nurse, "but I can't stop sneezing."
    "Hey, that's terrible!" said the second nurse.
    "Well, it's not that bad, because each time I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

    "Wow, are you taking anything for it?" asked the second nurse.
    "Yeah, pepper."

    The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable. Yet, a survey of 206, 000, 000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual. EXAMPLES: 1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake. 25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese and mushrooms. 53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries. 53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings. PREPARING THE BEDROOM Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned) ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS Hiding the sex manual: 3 Decanting the wine: 4 Without a corkscrew: 268 MAKING THE FIRST MOVE If you are shy: 15 If you are anxious: 43 If you beg: 100 SEDUCING THE PARTNER If you are more...

    A 6 year old was in a car with her parents. She kept having sneezing fits, and she kept splattering snot all over the seats. Eventually, the Mum and Dad gave up on trying to stop the sneezing, and told the little girl to put her hands up when she sneezed. The little girl did so, raising her hands above her head, and sneezed on the Mum's face!!

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