Sneeze Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The sneeze

    Hot 6 days ago

    A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane.The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again.The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?"The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more more...

    Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
    Use your MasterCard to pay your VISA bill.
    Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
    When someone says, "Have a nice day!", tell them you have other plans.
    During your next meeting, sneeze and then loudly suck the plegm back down
    your throat.
    Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
    Make a list of things you have already done.
    Dance naked in front of pets.
    Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him off to pre-school as if
    nothing was wrong.
    Thumb through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.
    Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in them. Return them the next day.
    Drive to work in reverse.
    Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.
    Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it gets back to you.
    Bill your doctor for the time you spent in his waiting room.
    Get a box of more...

    Patient: Doctor, ya gotta help me. Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm. Doctor: Really! What are you taking for it? Patient (with a grin): Black pepper!

    When you sneeze, air and particles travel through the nostrils at speeds over100 mph. During this time, all bodily functions stop, including your heart, contributing to the impossibility of keeping one's eyes open during a sneeze.

    Annual growth of WWW traffic is 314,000%

    %60 of all people using the Internet, use it for pornography.

    In 1778, fashionable women of Paris never went out in blustery weather without a lightning rod attached to their hats.

    Sex burns 360 calories per hour.

    A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.

    Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it.

    The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words. More than 2 billion pencils are manufactured each year in the United States. If these were laid end to end more...

    Jam minature marshmallows up your nose -- and try to sneeze them out.

    Use you MasterCard -- to pay your Visa bill.

    Pop some popcorn -- without putting the lid on.

    When someone says,' 'Have a nice day'' -- tell them you have other plans.

    During your next meeting -- sneeze and the loudly suck the phlegm back down your throat.

    Find out what a frog in a blender -- really looks like.

    Make a list of things -- you have already done.

    Dance naked -- in front of your pets.

    Put your child's clothes on backwards -- and send them off to school as if nothing was wrong.

    Thumb through the National Geographic -- and draw underwear on the Natives.

    Go shopping and buy everything you want -- sweat in them and return them the next day.

    Drive to work -- in reverse.

    Read the dictionary backwards -- and look for subliminal messages.

    Start a nasty rumor -- and see if more...

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