Slide Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Government Workers

    Hot 3 years ago

    Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was a Government Worker.
    To show off, the Engineer called to his dog, "T-square, do your stuff!". T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
    Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff!". Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
    Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff!". Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
    Everyone more...

    your momma is so fat she uses ahighway as a slip and slide

    A Slide Rule doesn't shut down abruptly when it gets too hot.
    One hundred people all using Slide Rules and Paper Pads do not start wailing and screaming due to a single-point failure.
    A Slide Rule doesn't smoke whenever the power supply hiccups.
    A Slide Rule doesn't care if you smoke, or hiccup.
    You can spill coffee on a Slide Rule; you can use a Slide Rule while completely submerged in coffee.
    You never get nasty system messages about filling up your entire paper quota with pointless GIF pictures for the root window.
    A Slide Rule and Paper Pad fit in a briefcase with space left over for lunch or a change of underwear.
    A properly used Slide Rule can perform pipelined *and* parallel operations. (Okay, you need a guru for this.)
    You don't get junk mail offering pricey software upgrades that fix current floating point errors while introducing new ones.
    A Slide Rule doesn't need scheduled hardware maintenance.
    A Paper Pad supports text and graphics more...

    A Slide Rule doesn't shut down abruptly when it gets too hot.
    One hundred people all using Slide Rules and Paper Pads do not start
    wailing and screaming due to a single-point failure.
    A Slide Rule doesn't smoke whenever the power supply hiccups.
    A Slide Rule doesn't care if you smoke, or hiccup.
    You can spill coffee on a Slide Rule; you can use a Slide Rule while
    completely submerged in coffee.
    You never get nasty system messages about filling up your entire
    paper quota with pointless GIF pictures for the root window.
    A Slide Rule and Paper Pad fit in a briefcase with space left over
    for lunch or a change of underwear.
    A properly used Slide Rule can perform pipelined *and* parallel
    operations. (Okay, you need a guru for this.)
    You don't get junk mail offering pricey software upgrades that fix
    current floating point errors while introducing new ones.
    A Slide Rule doesn't need scheduled hardware maintenance.
    A Paper Pad more...

    an irishman englishman and scottishman went to the park and saw a magic slide the irishman went down the slide saying gold and landed in gold the englishman went down saying silver and landed in silver but the scottishman did not know the lide was magic and went wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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