Slide Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was a Government Worker.
    To show off, the Engineer called to his dog, "T-square, do your stuff!". T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
    Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff!". Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
    Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff!". Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
    Everyone more...

    your momma is so fat she uses ahighway as a slip and slide

    A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing the habit to open and reveal a leg.
    The Priest looks and nearly has an accident, and after changing gear lets his hand slide up her leg. She immediately says "Father remember psalm 129".
    The priest apologizes profusely and removes his hand but is unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on when he changes gear and has ogled at her leg for the zillionth time he lets the hand slide up the leg again. The Nun once again says "Father remember psalm 129".
    Once again the priest apologizes. "Sorry sister but you know the flesh is weak". Arriving at the convent the nun gets out and the priest goes on his way. Once he arrives at his church he rushes to the bible and looks up psalm 129 it said "GO FORTH AND SEEK, FURTHER UP YOU WILL FIND GLORY"
    MORAL OF THE STORY - IN YOUR more...

    A Slide Rule doesn't shut down abruptly when it gets too hot.
    One hundred people all using Slide Rules and Paper Pads do not start wailing and screaming due to a single-point failure.
    A Slide Rule doesn't smoke whenever the power supply hiccups.
    A Slide Rule doesn't care if you smoke, or hiccup.
    You can spill coffee on a Slide Rule; you can use a Slide Rule while completely submerged in coffee.
    You never get nasty system messages about filling up your entire paper quota with pointless GIF pictures for the root window.
    A Slide Rule and Paper Pad fit in a briefcase with space left over for lunch or a change of underwear.
    A properly used Slide Rule can perform pipelined *and* parallel operations. (Okay, you need a guru for this.)
    You don't get junk mail offering pricey software upgrades that fix current floating point errors while introducing new ones.
    A Slide Rule doesn't need scheduled hardware maintenance.
    A Paper Pad supports text and graphics more...

    A Slide Rule doesn't shut down abruptly when it gets too hot.
    One hundred people all using Slide Rules and Paper Pads do not start
    wailing and screaming due to a single-point failure.
    A Slide Rule doesn't smoke whenever the power supply hiccups.
    A Slide Rule doesn't care if you smoke, or hiccup.
    You can spill coffee on a Slide Rule; you can use a Slide Rule while
    completely submerged in coffee.
    You never get nasty system messages about filling up your entire
    paper quota with pointless GIF pictures for the root window.
    A Slide Rule and Paper Pad fit in a briefcase with space left over
    for lunch or a change of underwear.
    A properly used Slide Rule can perform pipelined *and* parallel
    operations. (Okay, you need a guru for this.)
    You don't get junk mail offering pricey software upgrades that fix
    current floating point errors while introducing new ones.
    A Slide Rule doesn't need scheduled hardware maintenance.
    A Paper Pad more...

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