"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~! ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys."
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin,
the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime.
She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo.
I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each more...
Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say ass' and I'll say hell'".All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast."Aw, hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios."His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?""I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Cheerios."
The math professor's six-year-old son knocks at the door of his father's study.
"Daddy", he says. "I need help with a math problem I couldn't do at school."
"Sure", the father says and smiles. "Just tell me what's bothering you."
"Well, it's a really hard problem: There are four ducks swimming in a pond, when two more ducks come and join them. How many ducks are now swimming in the pond?"
The professor stares at his son with disbelief: "You couldn't do that?! All you need to know is that 4 + 2 = 6!"
"Do you think, I'm stupid?! Of course, I know that 4 + 2 = 6. But what does this have to do with ducks!?"
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother saysyour prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does shesay?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A more...