Sits Jokes / Recent Jokes

Police Dog

Hot 4 years ago

A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog takes the middle seat, and his handler explains that they work for the airline. "Don't mind Rover," the handler says, "he is a sniffer dog, the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work." The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this." He tells the dog, "Rover, search!" The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy!" He turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival." "Fantastic!" replies the first man. Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs more...

Fannie Green

Hot 4 years ago

A man enters the confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month."The priest tells the sinner "You are forgiven. Go out and say 3 Hail Marys."Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."This time the priest asks, "Who is Fannie Green?""A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. Very well, says the priest. Go and say 10 Hail Mary's. The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when, suddenly a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down
in front of the altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman more...

The Waiter and the Fart

Hot 5 years ago

A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down. As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her. She sits abruptly back up, glares at the wauter and shouts "Stop that!" To which the waiter replies, "Sure, which way did it go?"
A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs... "A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspectit. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Veryembarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticedher little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up at thatmoment. As she turns back, standing next to her is a salesman."Good day, how may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, she asks,"Sir, how much does this rug cost?"He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna shit inyour pants more...

What is taller when it sits down than when it stands up? A dog.

Yo mama's so fat - Yo Mama's so fat, she couldn't fit in a satellite photo. - Yo Mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose - Yo Mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes - Yo Mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs - Yo Mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, kids shout: "Free Willy! free Willy!" - Yo Mama's so fat, she's got her own zip code - Yo Mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise - Yo Mama's so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago... - Yo Mama's so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance. - Yo Mama's so fat, she jumped in air and got stuck. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she wears Maclom X shirt, helicopters land on her. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down more...

3 guys are driving down the road and realize that they all have to use the bathroom very badly. They come around a corner and see a sign "Green Gables next right". So thye take the right turn and come up to Green Gables, they all jump out of the car and run insode to see if they can use the washroom.
They are greeted by a nice old lady who says sure they can use the washroom.
The first guy runs up stairs and sits on the toilet and immediatley notices a hole in the floor at his feet with a table under it. All of a sudden he hears "Hey Hey I'm the ghost of Green Gables lay your money on the tables." He grabs all his money and throws it down the hole and runs back down stairs. When he gets there he tries to tell his friend but he does not listen and runs up to the washroom. Sure enough the guy hears a voice "Hey Hey I'm the ghost of Green Gables lay you money on the tables". He throws his money down the hole and runs down stairs and tries to tell the more...

-Your mom is so fat, I rolled over twice and I was still on top of her.
-Your mom is so fat, you need a Thomas Guide to find her asshole.
-Your mom is so fat, when she falls out of bed she falls on both sides.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears a yellow coat she looks like a school bus.
-Your mom is so fat, she has her own zip code.
-Your mom is so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: California, Nevada, Arizona...
-Your mom is so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up.
-Your mom is so fat, when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
-Your mom is so fat, when she goes to the beach, people yell out, "Whale Sighting!"
-Your mom is so fat, we get a drought every time she takes a shower.
-Your mom is so fat, she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
-Your mom is so fat, every time she walks her butt claps.
-Your mom is so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
-Your mom is so fat, more...