Site Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Woman builder

    Hot 1 year ago

    A woman got turned down for a job on a building site so she threatened to take the company to court for sexual discrimination, when they relented they gave her a job with a scaffolder and she was told that she had to learn 3 hand signals so that she knew what the scaffolder wanted.The 1st signal was a clenched fist moving forward and backward to simulate using a saw.The 2nd was a clenched fist moving up + down to simulate using a hammer.And the 3rd was both hands with for finger and thumb touching and movin closer then further apart to simulate a tape measure, The woman thought this was easy and was told to start in the morning, The next morning arrived and she is on the building site, the scaffolder whistles at her from high up on the scaffold and gives her the tape measure signal, she looks up at him and pats her breast, makes a signal like shes fealing a pregnant belly and then cups her private parts, the scaffolders annoyed and does his signal again, she looks at him and repeats more...

    CAT User's Manual

    Hot 6 years ago

    CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
    User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
    Features:
    User Friendly
    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video and Audio Input
    Audio Output
    Auto Search Capability for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Mouse Driven
    Self Cleaning
    Production Details:
    After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
    onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
    installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
    there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
    units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
    may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
    units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

    Indemnity

    Hot 4 years ago

    By using this site you agree to defend, indemnify, and hold harmless the web site, its officers, directors, employees and agents, from any claims, actions or demands, including without limitation reasonable legal and accounting fees, alleging or resulting from your use of the material or your breach of the terms of this agreement. The web site shall provide notice to you promptly of any such claim, suit, or proceeding and shall reasonably assist you, at your expense, in defending any such claim, suit or proceeding.
    If any provision of this agreement is found to be invalid by any court having competent jurisdiction, the invalidity of such provision shall not affect the validity of the remaining provisions of this agreement, which shall remain in full force and effect. No waiver of any term of this agreement shall be deemed a further or continuing waiver of such term or any other term. This agreement constitutes the entire agreement between you and DuckRocket.com. Any changes to more...

    Ebonics Christmas

    Hot 1 year ago

    Ebonics Crimmus PomeWuz de nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin' Dey wuz sleepin' goodWe hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause Be bringin' our checkAll o'de fambily Wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey headsI passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw When I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"I looked out thru de bars What covered my doe 'spectin' de sheriff Wif a warrent fo shoAnd what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon Pulled by giant warf rats! Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis niteFaster dan a Po'lees car My home boy he came He whupped on dem warf rats An' called dem by name! On Leroy, on 'Lonzo And on Willie Lee On Saphire, on Chenequa Dey wuz a site to see! As he landed dat watta' mellon Out der in da skreet I knowed it was fo' sho' Da damndest site I ebber did seeHe didn't more...

    1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.
    2) You now think of three espressos as ''getting wasted.''
    3) You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
    4) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
    5) You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back, ''What's for dinner?''
    6) Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
    7) You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
    8) You didn't give your wife a Valentine's card this year, but you posted one for your email buddies via a Web page.
    9) Your daughter just bought CDs of all the worst records your college roommate used to play.
    10) Every commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of the screen.
    11) You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date. And now sells for half the price you more...

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