Similarity Jokes / Recent Jokes
China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you're a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
"You know, except for the moustache, you look a lot like my mother."
"But I don't have a mustache."
"Yes, I know....but my mother does."
Top ten way *I'm* spending this valentine's day.
10. Watching "Fatal Attraction" over and over to remind me what I'm not
9. Trying to decide how much to pay for sex... $20, $50, $200, the rest of
8. Wondering if the Asian mail order woman company really has a money-back
7. Calling all the women I've gone out with in the last year, and asking them
if they enjoyed my wedding presents.
6. Renting the Jocelyn Elders workout video.
5. Waiting until tomorrow when I can buy all the really cheap chocolate, then
eating like a pig.
4. Taking my significant other, Candy, to be patched at the local bicycle
3. Compaigning for a law banning the following phrases:
Can't we just be friends?
I think of you as a brother. (sister)
I mean *sleep* together.
You'd like him - he's a lot like you.
My boyfriend (girlfriend) and i got back together.
Sure, I'll go out with you.. more...
10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled... SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown... but so's your ass.
3. You're a honey... and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister,
you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
The folks at American Greetings have compiled a list of lines to use when signing you valentine... depending on your personality:
Bold - face it, you want me
Clever - IOUXOXO
Cosmic - Didn't we know each other in another time and place?
Dreamy - I never believed in love at first sight until you
Enchantress - A valentine spell has been cast on you!
Femme Fatale - You cannot escape. I have ways to make you mine.
Athletic - How about a little one-on-one?
Musical - Always a love song in my heart for you.
No-nonsense - What are you waiting for?
Old fashioned - My mother warned me about guys/girls like you.
Sarcastic - Hey! I signed the card. What else do you want?
Scientific - The chemistry between us is definitely affirmative.
Self-assured - Be my valentine. "NO" is not an option.
Silly - You're hotter than a jalapeno sandwich!
Wild Child - You are twisted and slightly dangerous. I like that in a person.
Worldly - more...
Q. What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried
A. By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs,
all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Here's a gross one:What's the similarity between Michael Jackson and McDonalds? They both stick their beef between 9 year old buns.