What did the dragon say when he saw St George in his shining armour?
Oh, no, not more tinned food!
Geordie is in Dublin on Business and takes a Taxi from the Airport to his Hotel in the City Centre.
As they come out of the Airport, the Taxi driver shoots through a red light. "Driver, you could have killed us, you jumped that red light!" shouts Geordie.
"Ah te be sure, my brother and me, we do that all the time" says the cabbie.
A mile down the road and the Taxi driver shoots over another red light.
"Driver, that was another red light!" Screams Geordie.
"Ah to be sure its nothing at all my brother and me, we do it all the time."
They get to the next traffic light. Its green, the Taxi driver stops !
" Driver, its a green light ! Why the hell have you stopped ?" says Geordie.
"Ah to be sure, " Says the Taxi Driver, " my Brother, he might be coming the other way ........"
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off. "How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?" "No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, ‘I just paid $6,000 for these,' then I put it in my mouth and I thought, ‘I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth fixed.' So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, ‘this is going to make a loud noise,' so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger." Blonde
Blonde Suicide "A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid more...
At an out of town bar, a young man was watching a very pretty brunette in a corner booth. After a couple of drinks he got up the nerve to walk over and ask to buy her a drink. To his surprise she invited him to join her.
They have a great time and she invites him to her place after a few more drinks.
When they arrive at her place she says she wants to get comfortable and she leaves the room to change. The young man pulls out a cigerette but can't find a lighter so he asks the lady if she has one.
She tells him to look in the drawer by the bed. He does and he finds the matches and a picture of a man stuffed into the drawer.
The woman comes out of the bathroom in a slinky teddy and they start to go at it pretty heavy, but the young man starts to get nervous about the picture. So he decides to ask. "Is that a picture of your husband in the drawer?"
" No silly." she answered, and they started up again.
She rolled over for him to enter her for more...
GOD created the DONKEY and told him, 'You will work tireless from sunrise up to sunset, carrying heavy bags on your back, you will eat grass. You will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!'
The DONKEY answered, 'I will be a DONKEY, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years!' and God gave him 20 years.
GOD created DOG and told him ' You will look after man's house, you will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25 years, You will be a DOG.'
The DOG answered 'GOD, living 25 years is too much, give only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.
GOD created the MONKEY and told him, 'you will jump from branch to branch, you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live 20 years, you will be a MONKEY!'
The MONKEY answered ' GOD, living 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.
Finally GOD created MAN and told him, 'you will be a MAN the only more...