Shrimp Jokes / Recent Jokes

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman.
The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love.
He asked his wife to move out, with the understanding that he would buy her another place.
The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things.
The first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases.
The second day she had the movers come and collect her things.
The third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining room table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each room, and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned the kitchen and left.
The husband came back with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. more...

Crabs

Hot 2 years ago

Q. If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on?
A. The Captain's dinghy!

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for more...

there's a guy working in a mortuary that does all the cosmetic work, dressing the bodies, etc. his boss walks in and asks him how everything is going. "fine, he says, everybody is cooperating except that one woman over in the corner. she's got a big shrimp between her legs." "big shrimp?" says the boss, "let me check that out!"

so he walks over to the corner and looks at the body, and he says, "you moron, that's not a shrimp, that's a clitoris!"

"really," says the worker, smacking his lips, "it tasted like a shrimp!"

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay..

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for more...