Shooting Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Cocky Gunslinger

    Hot 5 months ago

    It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest and most respected gunslinger in the west.The place was Dodge City, Kansas in the Sawdust Saloon. The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his surprise, saw Wyatt Earp sitting at a table playing poker. The young man walked up to Wyatt and said, "Mr. Earp, I would like to be a gunslinger just like you. Could you give me some tips?"Wyatt put his cards down, looked up at the boy and said, "Son, I don't usually give out tips like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my health, but step back and let me take a look at you."The boy stepped back and Mr. Earp said, "You look good. You're wearing black, you've got two ivory handled guns with waxed holsters, and you look like a gunslinger. But what's more important, son, is: Can you shoot?"The young man, happy to show how good he was, quickly drew his pistol more...

    This is an extract of an National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Army Lieutenant General Reinwald about sponsoring a Boy Scout Troop on his military installation.
    Interviewer: "So, LTG Reinwald, what are you going to do with these young boys on their adventure holiday?"
    LTG Reinwald: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
    Interviewer: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
    LTG Reinwald: "I don't see why; they'll be properly supervised on the range."
    Interviewer: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
    LTG Reinwald: "I don't see how; we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm."
    Interviewer: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
    LTG Reinwald: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're more...

    Attempted Suicide

    Hot 3 years ago

    A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
    "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
    "Well I was trying to commit suicide" the blonde replied.
    "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off???"
    "No silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest.
    "So then?" asked the doctor.
    "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
    "So then?"
    "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

    Suicidal Blonde

    Hot 5 years ago

    A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
    "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
    "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
    "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"
    "No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
    "So then?" asked the doctor.
    "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
    "So then?"
    "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

    BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES... THEY COULD COME IN HANDY
    A repeat offender got a life sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49. 73 worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Mart store. His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard -- which turned his petty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released from prison less than three years ago, Florida`s repeat offender law required the judge to send him away for life without the possibility of parole.
    INSULT TO INJURY
    An unemployed sanitation worker in Miami is also facing life in prison -- for shooting himself in the privates. In a drunken stupor, the man reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun went off, and the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers someone else had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found the shell casing in his underwear. Cops ruled the more...

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