Shipped Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A man claims he shipped himself from New York to Las Vegas via UPS. UPS said they would not comment until between 2pm and 4pm, or tomorrow after 10am.

    It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Brooklyn version of
    Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside New York. If you
    have one of the Brooklyn editions you may need some help understanding
    the commands.

    - The Brooklyn edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.
    - It reads WINDAS 98 with a background picture of the East River with a
    floating body. It is shipped with a' NYPD BLUE' screensaver.
    - Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled' Garbitch'
    - My Computer is called' My Freakin Computer,'
    - Dialup Networking is called' Good Fellas',
    - Control Panel is known as the' da Tote Board,'
    - Hard Drive is referred to as' da trunk', and....
    - Floppies are them' little Freakin plastic disc tings'.

    OTHER FEATURES:

    * Instead of an error message you get a winda covered with steel bars and Grafitti.
    * OK= do it I tell ya
    * Cancel = hell no
    * Reset = dis is more...

    (Forwarded by an American friend of Italian descent).
    It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Brooklyn version of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside New York. If you have one of the Brooklyn editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
    The Brooklyn edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.
    It reads WINDAS 98 with a background picture of the East River with a floating body. It is shipped with a 'NYPD BLUE' screensaver.
    Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled 'Garbitch'
    My Computer is called 'My Freakin Computer,'
    Dialup Networking is called 'Good Fellas',
    Control Panel is known as the 'da Tote Board,'
    Hard Drive is referred to as 'da trunk', and...
    Floppies are them 'little Freakin plastic disc tings'.
    Instead of an error message you get a winda covered with steel bars and Grafitti.
    OTHER FEATURES:
    WINDOWS 98WINDAS 98
    OKdo it I tell ya
    Cancelhell more...

    * 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
    * 114,500 mismatched pairs of shoes will be shipped/year.
    * 18,322 pieces of mail will be mishandled/hour.
    * 2,000,000 documents will be lost by the IRS this year.
    * 2.5 million books will be shipped with the wrong covers.
    * Two planes landed at Chicago's O'Hare airport will be unsafe every day.
    * 315 entries in Webster's Dictionary will be misspelled.
    * 20,000 incorrect drug prescriptions will be written this year.
    * 880,000 credit cards in circulation will turn out to have incorrect cardholder information on their magnetic strips.
    * 103,260 income tax returns will be processed incorrectly during the year.
    * 5.5 million cases of soft drinks produced will be flat.
    * 291 pacemaker operations will be performed incorrectly.
    * 3056 copies of tomorrow's Wall Street Journal will be missing one of the three sections... now that's a real problem!!!

    A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
    The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00."
    The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
    The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and spend only $150.00?"
    The man replied, "A man died here 2000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

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