Ship Jokes / Recent Jokes

A garbage collector, a teacher and a lawyer all die and go to heaven. When they arrive at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter meets them and informs them there will be a test before they can enter. Each of them must answer one question.
First, St. Peter asks the teacher, "Can you name the ship that crashed into an iceberg and sank with all its passengers?"
Thinking for a moment, the teacher replies, "I believe that would be the Titanic." "Correct," says St. Peter and the teacher enters.
St. Peter turns to the garbage collector next and figuring that Heaven really doesn't need all the smell that guy would bring in with him, he decides to make the question a little more difficult. "How many people died on the ship?" he asks.
Taking a wild guess, the garbage man says, "1228." "That happens to be right, you may enter," says St. Peter.
Finally, St. Peter turns to the lawyer, "Name them!"

An American General, a Russian General and a British General are standing on
the deck of a ship watching war exercises. (OK, OK, so this is an old one..)
The topic of discussion turns to human courage, and the Russian General boasts,
"Russians are the most courageous people on Earth!"
Upon which the American (naturally) challenges him: "Oh YEAH?"
The Russian says, "Sure! Here, Yuri! Jump off the deck (into the freezing
Atlantic) and swim around the ship!"
Yuri marches off without a word, and does as he is told. The Russian turns
around and says: "See, there's an example of courage!"
The American has to top this, so he calls up one of his underlings and gives
him the order:
"Jack, Jump off the main mast into the ocean, and swim around the ship
seven times!"
Poor Jack goes off without a murmur, and he too does as he is told. The
American General says: "Now top that for more...

One day, a pirate ship is cruising the seas off the coast of England when the scout yells, "There's a English ship on the horizon." Immediately, the crew looks to the captain, who valiantly says, "Bring me my red shirt." The captain dons the shirt and the British ship commences the attack. The captain and his men fight valiantly and crush the british attackers.A few days later, the scout yells, "There are three English ships on the horizon." Immediately, the crew looks to the captain, and again he says (in his most manly voice), "Bring me my red shirt." Again, the English ships begin their attack and the pirates fight off all three of the attacking ships.After the battle is over, one of the mates sheepishly approaches the captain and asks, "Sir, why do you keep asking for your red shirt?" The captain replies, "I ask for the red shirt so if I am injured in battle, you will not see my blood, and will continue to fight." The more...

GOOFS FOR TITANIC (1997)
Continuity
Jack won his ticket by beating 2 pair with a full house. However, when we first see Jack's hand, he has nothihg that could be made in to a full house, and only draws one card.
Revealing mistakes
A strip of desert is visible between the dock and the Titanic when docked at Southampton.
Anachronisms
Jack claims to have gone ice fishing on Lake Wissota, which wasn't created until five years after the Titanic sank. Jacks claims to have visited the Santa Monica Pier, which did not begin construction until 1916. The pipe frames supporting the third class berths have set-screw speed rail fittings, not developed until 1946.
Continuity
In the scene where Jack is teaching Rose to spit, there is no spit on his chin as he starts to turn around to face the ladies, but by the time he has completed his turn he has some on his chin.
The main characters have lunch in the Palm Court/Verandah on A Deck. These were not used for more...

One day an American General, a Russian General and an Indian General were all going to England in a ship. All of them were very boastful.
AG: "I have the bravest and most courageous crew in the world. See for yourselves. Oy, you!" (he called to an American soldier) "Swim around this moving ship."
The American soldier jumped into the sea without a word, and swam around the moving ship and returned.
AG: See the guts!
RG: "Oh, that's nothing. See this. You, (he called to a Russian soldier) swim 5 rounds around this moving ship!"
The Russian soldier also jumped into the sea and swam 5 times around the moving ship and returned.
RG: "See the guts!"
IG: "Oh, that's nothing compared to MY soldiers. You, (he called to Banta Singh) swim 10 times around this moving ship!"
Banta Singh: "Am I your servant?"
IG: "See the guts!"
AG & RG :....!!!

3 people were on a boat travelling. A japanese, A white Canadian, and a Tamil.
All of a sudden the boat started to sink. So the japanes man took all the gold, and silver and throw it overboard, so the tamil man said " hey why did you do that for"? The japanese man replied " we have a lot of that in our country"
The ship started sinking so the tamil man threw out his gun. So the white man asked " hey why did you do that for" So the Tamil replied " We have a lot of that in our country".
The ship kept sinking so the white man picked up the tamil man. Threw him over board. "hey why did you do that", said the Japanese man.
" WE HAVE A LOT OF THOSE IDIOTS IN OUR COUNTRY"

A furious lightsaber duel is underway. Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker
towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand!
It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks
around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.
Darth Vader: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."
Luke: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"
Darth Vader: "No... I am your father!"
Luke: "No, it's not true! It's impossible."
Darth Vader: "Search your feelings... you know it to be true..."
Luke: "No!"
Darth Vader: "Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that brass
droid of yours?"
Luke: "Threepio?"
Darth Vader: "Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old..."
Luke: "No..."
Darth Vader: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at more...