Shines Jokes

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    Arkansas Scholars

    Hot 5 years ago

    Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
    Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
    Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
    Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
    Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
    Q: What are steroids? A: more...

    A burglar breaks into an isolated country house after watching the whole family depart for a night out on the town.
    As he creeps across the darkened living room he hears a voice saying: "I can see you... and Jesus can see you".
    The burglar shines his penlight torch around the room, but sees nothing. He takes another step, and he hears it again: "I can see you... and Jesus can see you".
    This time he realizes the voice comes from above, and when he shines his torch around he sees a parrot sitting on top of a cupboard. It looks him in the eye and says: "I can see you... and Jesus can see you".
    The burglar laughs and says "You're just a parrot". The parrot looks him in the eye and says "I'm a parrot and my name is Ebenezer".
    The burglar laughs again, and says "Ebenezer is a pretty silly name for a parrot". The parrot looks him in the eye, waits until he has stopped laughing, and says:
    "I agree more...

    A burglar enters a home and is greeted by "Jesus is watching!"
    He shines his flashlight around and finds no one.
    He takes another step to hear "Jesus is watching you."
    This time he shines the light to discover a parrot.
    He asks, "Was that you talking ?"
    The parrot answers "Yes."
    The burglar asks, "What is your name?"
    The parrot replies, "Clarence."
    The burglar asks, "What idiot named you Clarence?"
    The parrot replies, "The same idiot that named the Doberman Jesus."

    The Moon and the Sun Two wise men were talking about the Moon and the Sun. They wanted to figure out which one was more valuable. Finally, they came to a conclusion: "We know that the moon has twice the value of the Sun because the Moon shines at night when everyone needs light, but the sun shines only during the day when no one needs it.

    Gravity was discovered by Sir Isaac Newton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

    You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

    When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbitting.

    The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.

    The moon is more useful than the sun, because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the sun shines during the day when you don't need it.

    To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.

    Isn't it meaningless to speak of a 45 degrees angle unless you specify Fahrenheit or Celcius?

    An object at more...

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