Shakespearean Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    THE OFFICIAL DO-IT YOURSELF SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT

    To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with' Thou':


    Column 1. |. Column 2. |. Column 3

    artless. |. base-court. |. apple-john
    beslubbering. |. beef-witted. |. barnacle
    bootless. |. beetle-headed. |. bladder
    churlish. |. boil-brained. |. boar-pig
    clouted. |. clay-brained. |. bum-bailey
    craven. |. common-kissing. |. canker-blossom
    dankish. |. dizzy-eyed. |. coxcomb
    droning. |. doghearted. |. codpiece
    fobbing. |. elf-skinned. |. flap-dragon
    gleeking. |. flap-mouthed. |. foot-licker
    goatish. |. fly-bitten. |. fustilarian
    impertinent. |. fool-born. |. gudgeon
    jarring. |. guts-griping. |. harpy
    loggerheaded. |. half-faced. |. hedge-pig
    mammering. |. hedge-born. |. hugger-mugger
    mewling. |. idle-headed. |. lewdster
    pribbling. |. ill-nurtured. |. more...

    *The Hokey Pokey*
    Original LyricsPut your left foot in,
    Your left foot out,
    Your left foot in,
    And shake it all about.
    You do the hokey pokey
    And turn yourself around
    That's what it's all about.*The Hokey Pokey*
    Shakespearean StyleO proud left foot, that ventures quick within Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
    Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
    Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
    Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
    A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
    To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
    Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
    The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt.
    Verily, I say,' tis what it's all about.

    Original Lyric
    Put your left foot in,
    Your left foot out,
    Your left foot in,
    And shake it all about.
    You do the hokey pokey,
    And turn yourself around
    That's what it's all about.
    Shakespearean Style.
    O proud left foot, that ventures quick within,
    Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
    Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
    Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
    Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke;
    A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
    To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
    Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
    The Hoke, the poke - banish now thy doubt.
    Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

    Tired of the overuse of four-letter words? Here's one solution:
    Give your friends, family, and fellow students (who are abusers) this
    Shakespearean Insult Kit to use as a suitable replacement when the
    mood arises.


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    THE OFFICIAL SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT
    To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from
    each of the three columns below, and preface it with' Thou':

    Column 1 Column 2 Column 3
    artless base-court apple-john
    bawdy bat-fowling baggage
    beslubbering beef-witted barnacle
    bootless beetle-headed bladder
    churlish boil-brained boar-pig
    cockered clapper-clawed bugbear
    clouted clay-brained bum-bailey
    craven common-kissing canker-blossom
    currish crook-pated clack-dish
    dankish dismal-dreaming clotpole
    dissembling dizzy-eyed coxcomb
    droning doghearted codpiece
    errant dread-bolted more...

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