Server Jokes

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    TACO HELL!!!!

    Hot 1 year ago

    by Peter Leppik

    The following is a *true* story. It amused the hell out of me while it was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things.

    On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of
    the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting mad at me.

    Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."

    Server: "Is that it?"

    Me: "Yep."

    Server: "That'll be $1. 04, eat here?"

    Me: "No, it's "TO-GO" [I hate effort duplication]."

    At this point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and

    Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right more...

    1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter
    2. Log off: Don't add no more wood
    3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove
    4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck
    5. Floppy Disk: What you fet from trying to carry to
    much firewood
    6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood
    7. Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter
    8. Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire"
    9. Window: What to shut when it's cold outside
    10. Screen: What to shut in fly season
    11. Byte: What flies do
    12. Bit: What the flies did
    13. Mega Byte: What BIG flies do
    14. Chip: Munchies when monitoring
    15. Micro Chip: What's left after you eat the chips
    16. Modem: What you did to the hay fields
    17. Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrixs' wife
    18. Lap top: Where kitty sleeps
    19. Software: The dumb plastic knives and forks they
    give you at the Big R
    20. Hardware: Real stainless steel cutlery
    21. Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn
    22. more...

    Calling me with a question - $10
    Calling me with a stupid question - $20
    Calling me with a stupid question you can't quite articulate - $30
    Implying I'm incompetent because I can't interpret your inarticulate
    problem description - $1000 + punitive damages
    Questions received via phone without first trying help desk - $10.00
    Questions where answer is in TFM - $100.00
    Calling me back with the same problem *after* I fix it once - $100
    Insisting that you're not breaking the software, the problem is on my
    end somehow - $200
    Asking me to walk over to your building to fix the problem - $5/step
    Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem - $50/mile + gas
    If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody else's
    problem - $45/hr
    If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now - $50/hr
    If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it - $60/hr
    If you've come to ask me why something isn't working that more...

    I work TS for an ISP, here are a few things that drive me nuts:
    Tech: What is your User Name?
    Cust: John Smith.
    Tech: (searching for user name johnsmith to no avail) that's your USER Name, your login name?
    Cust: Yep.
    Tech: .. (search for cust acct by last name, find a million Smiths.. finally find their acct.) We have your user name listed as ''wolf231''.
    Cust: Yep.
    Tech: Not John Smith.
    Cust: Yep.
    Tech:...
    -
    Tech: What error message are you getting?
    Cust: I'm not getting an error, it just won't connect.
    Tech: Nothing comes up when you try to connect?
    Cust: Nope, nothing happens at all. It doesn't say anything.
    Tech: .. and nothing appears on the screen what-so-ever..?
    Cust: Nope.
    Tech: - Well.. What happens to lead you to believe that it isn't working?
    Cust: It says Error 691, User Name or Password..
    Tech: That's what we in the buisness call an ERROR MESSAGE.
    -
    Tech: What error message are you more...

    Log on - Make the wood stove hotter
    Log off - Don't add no more wood
    Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove
    Download - Getting the firewood off the truck
    Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood
    Ram - The thing that splits the firewood
    Hard drive - Getting home in the winter
    Prompt - What the mail ain't in the winter
    Window - What to shut when it's cold outside
    Screen - What to shut in black fly season
    Byte - What the black flies do
    Bit - What the black flies did
    Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do chip Munchies for TV
    Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips
    Modem - What you did to the hay fields
    Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife
    Lap top - Where the kitty sleeps
    Software - The dumb plastic knives & forks they give you at McDonalds
    Hardware - The real stainless steel cutlery.
    Mouse - What eats grain in the barn
    Main frame - What holds the barn up
    Enter more...

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