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This is an extract of an National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Army Lieutenant General Reinwald about sponsoring a Boy Scout Troop on his military installation.
Interviewer: "So, LTG Reinwald, what are you going to do with these young boys on their adventure holiday?"
LTG Reinwald: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
Interviewer: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
LTG Reinwald: "I don't see why; they'll be properly supervised on the range."
Interviewer: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
LTG Reinwald: "I don't see how; we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm."
Interviewer: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
LTG Reinwald: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're more...
by Peter Leppik
The following is a *true* story. It amused the hell out of me while it was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things.
On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of
the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting mad at me.
Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
Server: "Is that it?"
Me: "Yep."
Server: "That'll be $1. 04, eat here?"
Me: "No, it's "TO-GO" [I hate effort duplication]."
At this point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and
Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right more...
A guy who was tired with life in the big city decided to take a vacation and go to the mountain, so he rented a chalet in the wilderness.
One day, as he was strolling, he got to the edge of a precipice. He carefully looked down and backed quickly, amazed: "gee, is this deep!". He took a pebble and threw it in, to see how long it takes until it gets down. It took a while, so he thought "that's really deep"; then he found a big stone and tossed it, and when it hit the ground with an almost inaudible sound he reckoned "this is what I call deep". Having nothing else to do, he started to look around a found a large piece of rail. He strained a while, as it was pretty heavy, rusted and muddy, but he managed to push it over the cliff, and after some time, when he heard it hitting the ground with abig blast, he reasoned: "now that's something!".
He had just seated himself to rest and start meditating at the abyssal dimensions, when he saw a more...
Mr Silva and Mr. Perera are very good friends. One Sunday evening they are having a
beer at Silva's place.
These gentlemen, being bachelors still, kept servants to maintain the house and also to
run errands for them.
After few rounds of drinks, their topic of discussion turned to servants. Mr. Perera says
to Mr. Silva,
"I say Mr. Silva, I think my servant Banda should be the most foolish servant in the world."
"Come on Mr. Perera, I will eat my head if you can prove that Banda is more foolish than
my servant Junda."
"Okay, okay we'll see". And Mr. Silva calls Banda and handed him 10 Rupees and tells,
"Banda, you go to the Toyota dealer at the corner of the street and buy me a new Camry
with that."
"Certainly, Sir" and off goes Banda.
"You see Mr. Perera, how foolish is my servant"
"Huh!, you say that is foolish, wait till you see my servant" and more...
A Realtor, driving his buyers around looking at houses, is suddenly pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the Realtor’s car door, and the Realtor says "Is there a problem officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir you were speeding. Can I see your driver’s license please?"
The driver responds, "I can’t give it to you – because I don`t have one..."
"You don`t have one," asks the policeman?
The Realtor responds, "I lost it 4 times for drunk driving..."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration please?"
"I am sorry, I can do that either," replies the Realtor, as the homebuyers in the back seat look stunned.
The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car," the Realtor responds, as the homebuyers in the back seat look shocked.
The Officer says, "Stole it?"
The Realtor says, "Yes I stole it, more...
'Twas The Night Before Christmas,
He Lived All Alone,
In A One Bedroom House Made Of
Plaster And Stone.
I Had Come Down The Chimney
With Presents To Give,
And To See Just Who
In This Home Did Live.
I Looked All About,
A Strange Sight I Did See,
No Tinsel, No Presents,
Not Even A Tree.
No Stocking By Mantle,
Just Boots Filled With Sand,
And On The Wall Pictures
Of Far Distant Lands.
ith Medals And Badges,
Awards Of All Kinds,
A Sobering Thought
Came To My Mind.
For This House Was Different,
So Dark And So Dreary,
The Home Of A Warrior,
Now I Could See Clearly.
The Warrior Lay Sleeping,
Silent, Alone,
Curled Up On The Floor
In This One Bedroom Home.
The Face Was So Gentle,
The Room In Such Disorder,
Not How I Pictured
A United States warrior.
Was This The Hero
Of Whom I'd Just Read?
Curled Up On A Poncho,
The Floor more...
Two anthropologists fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague is doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a group of natives. "Greetings! How is it going?" says the visiting anthropologist. "Wonderful!" says the other, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!" He points at a palm tree and says, "what is that?" The natives, in unison, say "Umbalo-gong!" He then points at a rock and says, "and that?" The natives again intone "Umbalo-gong!" "You see!", says the beaming anthropologist, "They use the SAME word for' rock' and for' palm tree'!" "That is truly amazing!" says the astonished visiting anthropologist, "On the other island, the same word means' ind ex finger'!"