Section Jokes / Recent Jokes

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: more...

I was born by caesarian section, but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving. ” Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the copilot to speak with the woman. The copilot went to talk with the woman, asking her to move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving. ” The copilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this. ” He went to the first class section and whispered into the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section, mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so? ” Surprised, the flight attendant and the more...

A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a pool.

1. BadAir: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.
2. BadAir: We're Amtrak with wings.
3. Join our frequent near-miss program.
4. On flights, every section is a smoking section.
5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
6. Our staff has had lots of experience counseling next-of-kin.
7. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off.
8. Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
9. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
10. The kids will love our inflatable slides.
11. If you think it's so easy, get your own plane!
12. Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
13. Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
14. BadAir: We may be landing on your street.
15. BadAir: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
16. Bring a bathing suit.
17. Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for more...

How do you know if a viola section is at your front door?
No one knows when to come in.

U.S.Air: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.
U.S.Air: We're Amtrak with wings.
Join our frequent near-miss program.
On certain flights, every section is a smoking section.
Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
Our staff has had lots of experience consoling next-of-kin.
Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off.
Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
The kids will love our inflatable slides.
You think it's so easy, get your own damn plane!
Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
U.S.Air: We may be landing on your street.
U.S.Air: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
Bring a bathing suit.
Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.
That guy who crashed into the White House more...