Scores Jokes / Recent Jokes

Greetings prospective White House interns! This year, our program is heading into its 69th year of bringing America's best and brightest to the Nation's Capitol to help the "Head Man" do his job. We expect that 1998 will be the most exciting one yet! Why, you might be asking yourself, do I want to be a part of this demanding, yet rewarding program? Check this out: * Be a part of the action in the pulsing, throbbing political scene of the hottest city in the world! * Get up close and personal with some of America's movers and shakers! * See rooms in the White House that even a VIP tour won't show you! * Get total access to plenty of sensitive Presidential activities! Sound like it's for you? Just listen to this testimonial from a former intern: "I couldn't believe it! After only a few months on the job answering phones and fetching coffee, there I was, debriefing the president.. .. Getting involved in executive branch affairs is just fantastic." - M. Lewinsky, more...

Q: What do members of a good basketball team have in common with a roomful of men and a blonde?
A: Everybody scores!

If
US Poverty Rate Declines Significantly

And
US SAT Scores at Lowest Level

Therefore
Poverty Improves SAT Scores

And, by extension
Top Ramen Builds Brain Cells

This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final answer.1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: (a) the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: (a) the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: (a) find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: (a) my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.5. What do you think of your strength? I am: (a) invincible; (b) more...

This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final answer.
1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: A. the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.
2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: A. the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.
3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: A. find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.
4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: A. my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.
5. What do you think of your strength? I am: A. more...

1. Well, it's Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I've got to fancy Liverpool for the win.2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long.3. And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record.4. With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header.5. Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts.6. If that had gone on, it would definitely have been a goal.7. Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn't here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere.8. I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win.9. If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead.10. You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight.

This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final answer.
1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: (a) the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.
2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: (a) the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.
3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: (a) find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.
4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: (a) my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.
5. What do you think of your strength? more...