Scale Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Scale

    Hot 2 weeks ago

    your momas so fat when she steped on a scale the scale said o shit i want ur weight not ur fone number

    Yo Mama's So Fat...

    Hot 2 days ago

    - Yo Mama's so fat, she couldn't fit in a satellite photo.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose
    - Yo Mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes
    - Yo Mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, kids shout: "Free Willy! free Willy!"
    - Yo Mama's so fat, she's got her own zip code
    - Yo Mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
    - Yo Mama's so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, she jumped in air and got stuck.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she wears Maclom X shirt, helicopters land on her.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, more...

    0 to 200 in 6 seconds

    Hot 1 year ago

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE! !"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner... as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.

    2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

    3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.

    4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off...to your advantage.

    5. Always go to the bathroom first.

    6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.

    7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.

    8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).

    9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).

    10. Start out more...

    At the scale manufacturers' convention, people often wanted to weigh themselves on different scales to see if they agreed. However, some visitors abstained, not wishing to advertise their weight. A smooth-talking representative coaxed a woman onto his scale by promising her that he would not look and that she could even cover the digital display so only she could see her weight.She finally stood on the scale, whereupon a loud, mechanical voice from within the machine announced: "One hundred and sixty-three."

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