Satellite Jokes

Last summer, my husband, Bill, took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.
One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. Bill tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. Bill pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our camp.
"That was terrific," I said. "How did you do it?"
"Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south."

The Top 17 Other Effects of the Galaxy 4 Satellite Malfunction

17 With nowhere else to go, radio signals converge on Don King's hair.

16 Tamagotchis the world over die a slow, horrible death.

15 Worldwide headaches when everyone's metal dental fillings receive the signals from Gilbert Gottfried's cell phone.

14 Phoneless George Steinbrenner left unable to fire Joe Torre when the Yankees trailed in the third.

13 Ross Perot and Newt Gingrich stricken with terror while temporarily out of touch with the mothership.

12 Fortune Cookie Effect: words' in bed' added to end of all text messages.

11 Their cellular phones useless, denizens of Los Angeles experience the quaint charm of eating their lunch with both hands.

10 Dennis Rodman tentatively removes tinfoil cap and crawls out from under the woodpile.

9 Cher's face snaps and rolls up like a cheap paper window shade.

8 After several more...

Japan launched a satellite to explore the sun.
I'm no astronomer, but it was always my understanding that the sun was kind of hot, which would make it difficult to explore.
(Though Japan is smarter than I am, and of course, I was also mistaken in my understanding that we had nine planets, which I knew because "My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pickles," and now I find out she's only serving Dwarf Pickles.)

In any event, this solar mission is apparently necessarily because flares keep disrupting satellites.
So they sent a satellite to check it out.

So maybe there will be TWO big astro-news stories this year:
Pluto no longer a planet!
Sun no longer hot!
Also, this joke no longer funny!
(Yeah, go meta, that will fix it. What is this, meta-meta? No better. Meta-better? Hot. Like the sun used to be. Boom. The sound of our universe collapsing. Or at least the logic of this stream of consciousness. I should have tried a stream more...

Plans for a state-of-the-art camera from a satellite to monitor deforestation in Africa's Congo Basin have been unveiled. The high resolution camera will provide a detailed view of the area's rate of forest cover loss. Any rate that goes above 55 miles an hour will be mailed a speeding ticket.
In addition, signs that read, "speed monitored by satellite" will be posted around the forest.

Dear Jokers who provide Yo mama jokes,
Please do not post yo mama jokes previously posted in this Joke Page.
It's a waste of your time, our time and bandwith.
Please read the following collection of YO MAMA SO FAT' jokes. Future
jokers, read this and if you can find something new about the fat mama
then submit your joke. (OLD MAMA, TALL MAMA, POOR MAMA etc.
will follow)
YO MAMA IS SO FAT
Yo mama so fat. . . she's fat!
Yo mama so fat God can't lift her spirits!
Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
Yo mama so fat God said "Let there be Light", and moved her fat ass.
Yo mama so fat I got rich by making her sit on coal.
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side!
Yo mama so fat I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back.
Yo mama so fat I saw her on top of the Empire State building snatching at airplanes.
Yo mama so fat I'm more...