Satanic Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented.
    "Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
    "Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")
    "I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $
    39.
    95. Do you know which one it is?"
    "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?" hahahaha...what a bone head!
    "Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm...I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen...do you?
    "I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No...that's your brain miss-firing.)
    "I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would more...

    These are all from a newspaper feature article in the San Francisco
    Chronicle Datebook, March 5, 1989, though I've heard at least three
    of the one-liners on the radio or TV. I don't feel too bad about
    extracting the best lines, since that's what the writer did with the
    comics. The entire article is a full page; these are just a few of
    the lines.
    Offensive to Moslems/Iranians and bookburners, of course.
    From the San Francisco Chronicle Datebook section, March 5, 1989,
    "'The Satanic Verses'-Comics Laugh It Off"
    (The names are Bay Area or nationally-known stand-up comics...)
    "Khomeini's idea of 'opening up to the West' means allowing
    non-Muslims to hunt Rushdie." -Don Stevens
    [Commenting on small nightclub crowd] "This looks like a Salman
    Rushdie book-signing party." -Fred Reuss
    "If there were a $6 million bounty on me, I'd kill myself just for the
    reward. For that much, I think the Muscular more...

    Actual reference queries reported by American and Canadian library reference desk workers of various levels."Do you have books here?""Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?""Do you have a list of all the books I've ever read?""I'm looking for Robert James Waller's book,' Waltzing through Grand Rapids.'" (Actual title wanted: "Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend.")"Do you have that book by Rushdie:' Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")"Where is the reference desk?" This was asked of a person sitting at a desk who had, hanging above her head, a sign saying "REFERENCE DESK"!"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?""Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hair dryer?""Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?""Do more...

    Thank you for calling the Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy at the moment. If you would like, leave a brief message after the tone, and someone will get back to you... When hell freezes over.

    Why don't satanic warlocks ever appear on televison to exhort unbelievers to donate money to fight God?

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