Sam Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful.
    "Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?"
    "Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."

    A man passed away and went to Heaven. Upon arriving at the pearly gates, St. Peter said,' Come on in. I'll show you >around. I really think you'll like it here.' Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

    Surprised at how Heaven looked, the man asked St. Peter,' what's the deal with all the clocks?' St. Peter replied,' they keep track of everybody on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time someone tells a lie, his clock moves forward one minute. For instance,this clock belongs to Sam, a used car salesman. If you watch it closely,it will move any second.' Click! The minute hand on Sam's clock moved forward one minute. Click! It moved forward another minute.' Sam must be closing on a deal right now,' said St. Peter.' The minute hand on his clock moves all day long.'

    The man and St. Peter continued walking and soon came across a clock covered with more...

    Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?"

    Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

    "Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."

    "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."

    "Three? Well, when were they?" he asked.

    "Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"

    "Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?"

    "Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, more...

    Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gathered around him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room. Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "That's it, one last time before I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver." Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, it's for after."

    A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. "Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?" "Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."

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