Salary Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION
    Date ____________________
    Name _____________________
    Department ________________________
    Title _____________________________
    Supervisor _________________________
    KNOWLEDGE
    1. This s.o.b. really knows his shit!
    2. Knows most phases of job.
    3. Knows just enough to be dangerous.
    4. Stupid bastard couldn't hit his ass with both hands.
    5. Fucker is brain damaged, a cup of coffee has a higher I.Q.
    ACCURACY
    1. Does excellent work, if not preoccupied with sex.
    2. Pretty good, only occasionally blows it out his ass.
    3. Does shitty work and constantly fucks up.
    4. Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice.
    RATE OF WORK
    1. Fastest mo-fo I ever saw.
    2. Fast s.o.b., if he thinks he'll get a raise.
    3. Does a lot of work, at salary review time.
    4. Works only if kicked in the ass every five minutes.
    5. Couldn't do less work if he was in a coma.
    DEPENDABILITY
    1. more...

    Ethnic Goldmine!

    Hot 4 years ago

    There is a big controversy these days concerning when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered a viable human being until after graduation from medical or law school.
    Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
    A: One less drunk!
    Q: Why are there so many Italian men in New York named Tony?
    A: When they came over to this country, they had "To NY" stamped on their foreheads.
    A Russian, a Saudi, a North Korean and an American are walking down the street. A pollster stops them and asks, "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?" The Saudi replies, "Excuse me, what's a 'shortage'?" The Russian replies, "Excuse me, what's meat?" The North Korean replies, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?" Finally, the American replies, "What's 'Excuse me?'"
    Q: What do New Zealanders call a sheep in their back yard?
    A: A ride on lawn-mower.
    Why the British more...

    Dear Friends:
    Now that the holiday season has passed, please look into your heart to help those in need.
    Enron executives in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level... right here in the land of plenty. And, as if that weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of it as a result of the bankruptcy and current SEC investigation.
    BUT NOW YOU CAN HELP!
    For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an Enron executive remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem, as it barely covers their per diem,... but it's a start!
    Almost $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to an Enron exec it could mean the difference between a vacation spent kissing political asses in DC, golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than rent, a car note or mortgage more...

    Ethnic Goldmine!

    Hot 4 years ago

    There is a big controversy these days concerning when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered a viable human being until after graduation from medical or law school.
    Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? A: One less drunk!
    Q: Why are there so many Italian men in New York named Tony? A: When they came over to this country, they had "To NY" stamped on their foreheads.
    A Russian, a Saudi, a North Korean and an American are walking down the street. A pollster stops them and asks, "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?" The Saudi replies, "Excuse me, what's a 'shortage'?" The Russian replies, "Excuse me, what's meat?" The North Korean replies, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?" Finally, the American replies, "What's 'Excuse me?'"
    Q: What do New Zealanders call a sheep in their back yard? A: A ride on lawn-mower.
    Why the British are more...

    What Europe wants

    Hot 3 years ago

    This is what we want in Europe:
    1) Swiss salary.
    2) Luxembourg taxes.
    3) German car.
    4) British home.
    5) Spanish girls.
    6) French wine.
    7) Italian food.
    8) Belgian beer.
    9) Austrian mountains.
    10) Danish administration.
    And this is the EC's proposal for a Europe after EMU:
    1) Czech salary.
    2) Swedish taxes.
    3) Spanish car.
    4) Greek home.
    5) Irish girls.
    6) German wine.
    7) British food.
    8) French beer.
    9) Dutch mountains.
    10) Italian administration.

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