MONDAY: It's so much fun to cook for Ron. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. Fortunately, the neighbors were kind enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY: Ron wanted fruit salad for dinner. The recipe said serve without dressing so, I didn't dress. What a surprise when Ron brought his boss home for dinner.
WEDNESDAY: A great day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed sort of silly, but I took a shower. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY: Today, Ron asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Ron asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was exactly the same as when I left.
SATURDAY: Ron more...
After four long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking, as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is some of danger involved.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events are put into motion:
1) The woman buys the food.
2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the more...
30> Given an infinite number of geeks in an infinite number of "Star Trek" conventions, would there be at least one with a life?
29> Why is Pauly Shore so successful, while a deserving and talented actor like Tom Arnold is still struggling?
28> Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Ask why Bell charges so much for toll calls.
27> Can God make Marlon Brando so big that even He can't move him?
26> If you could go back in time, would you give Hitler a wedgie?
25> The sky's just BLUE, dammit! Get over it!
24> If you sell a video explaining how you didn't kill your ex-wife and her male friend and no one buys it, does it make a sound?
23> What will I have for lunch today -- chicken salad or egg salad?
22> How much cheese could Chuck E. Cheese chuck if Chuck E. Cheese could chuck cheese?
21> Yeah, where the hell *is* Waldo?
20> If a monk, living in a monastery, takes a vow of more...
Things Never Said By a Redneck...
1. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
3. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
4. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
6. I don't have a favorite college team.
7. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
8. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
9. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
10. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.
Duct tape won't fix that.
No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
We don't keep firearms in this house.
Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
You can't feed that to the dog.
I thought Graceland was tacky.
"I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
Do you think my hair is too big?
I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, these bonsai trees need watering.
Who's Richard Petty?
Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
Deer heads detract from the decor.
Spitting is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
Trim the fat off that steak.
Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
The tires on that truck are too big.
Actually, unsweetened tea tastes better.
Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
My fiancee, Paula Jo, more...