Sadie tells Maurice, "You’re a schmuck! You always were a schmuck and you always will be a schmuck! You look, act and dress like a schmuck! You’ll be a schmuck until the day you die! And if they ran a world-wide competition for schmucks, you would be the world’s second biggest schmuck!"
"Why only second place?" Maurice asks.
"Because you’re a schmuck!" Sadie screams.
Becky, Sadie and Hannah are bragging about their sons.
Becky says, "My son is very successful. He is the best lawyer in London."
Sadie says, "My son has done better than that. He is the best doctor in London."
Hannah says, "My son has not done that well. He does not have a very good job and he is gay. But he has these two great boyfriends - one is the best lawyer in London and the other is the best doctor in London."
A Jewish woman called Mount Sinai Hospital and said, "Hello, darling, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. I want to know if the patient is getting better, or doing like expected, or is getting worse."
The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the name of the patient and the room number?"
The woman replied, "She's Sadie Rosenberg, in room 412."
The voice answered, "Oh, yes. Mrs. Rosenberg is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as normal, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Goldbloom is going to send her home on Monday."
The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh! that's fantastic, darling! Thank you for such wonderful news!"
The voice on the phone said, ""From your enthusiasm, I take it you must more...
An old Jewish couple were having an argument.
Sadie, the wife: It's Ha-WAI-i!
Morris, the husband: No, it's Ha-VAI-i!
Both being extremely stubborn and too proud to look it up, they continued on like this on their way to the grocer's.
On their way they bumped into a stranger and decided to finish it once and for all.
Morris: Hello there. Tell me, please. Is it Ha-WAI-i or Ha-VAI-i?
The stranger: Ha-VAI-i.
Morris to Sadie: See, Sadie? Never doubt me.
Morris to stranger: Thank you very much.
Stranger: You're velcome.
Morris comes home to find his wife, Sadie, crying. "I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that you've been having an affair with that chippie secretary in your office. Why would you do that to me? Haven't I always been the good wife? I've cooked for you, raised your children, and I've always been by your side for thirty-five years. What haven't I done to make you happy?"
Embarrassed, Morris confesses, "It's true, Sadie, you've been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but one. You don't moan when we have sex!"
"If I moaned when we had sex, you'd stop running around? All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I, too, can moan during sex!"
So they retire to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb beneath the sheets.
As they begin to kiss, Sadie asks, "Now, Morris, should I moan now?"
"No, not yet."
Morris begins fondling Sadie. "What about now? Should I moan now?" No, I'll more...
Recent ActivityIn Mourning by Anonym