Rocks Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Bad Pop Rocks

    Hot 7 years ago

    Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC. A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each one a bag. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: "I wouldn't eat that if I were you." "Why not?" replied the curious brother "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."

    A business man enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a
    double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks
    inside his shirt pocket, then asks the bartender to prepare another
    double martini.
    After he finishes the second one, he again peeks inside his shirt
    pocket, and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.
    The same pattern is repeated a few rounds; the business man drinks a
    double martini on the rocks, peeks inside his shirt pocket, and orders
    another one.
    Finally, the bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all
    night long, no problem with that. But you just gotta tell me why you
    look inside your shirt pocket every time before you order a refill!"
    The man replies, "Oh, I'm just peeking at a photo of my wife. When she
    starts to look good, then I know it's time for me to go home."

    One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies.
    He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
    "I don't know what to do here," says the devil.
    "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
    Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the First room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water.
    He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over.
    Such was his fate in hell.
    "No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."
    The devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a Sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that more...

    Osama bin Laden finally gets his due when a one-ton tomahawk
    missile lands
    on his tent one day. He immediately goes to
    hell, where the devil is waiting
    for him.
    "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on
    my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to
    stay here,
    so I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I've got a
    couple of people here
    who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll
    let one of them go, but you have
    to take their place. I'll
    even let YOU decide who leaves."
    Osama bin
    Laden thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil
    opened the first room.
    In it was Manuel Noriega and a large pool of water. He kept
    diving in and
    surfacing empty-handed. Over and over and over.
    Such was his fate in hell.
    "No," said Osama bin Laden, "I don't think so. I'm not a good
    swimmer and
    I don't think I could do that all day long."
    The devil led more...

    Swiss mountain guides who always do the same trails can get tired answering the same questions over and over. One time an English tourist was giving his guide an especially hard time with silly questions. They were walking through a mountain valley that was strewn with rocks, and the traveler asked, "How did these rocks get here?""Sir," said the guide, "they were brought down by a glacier."The tourist peered up the mountain and said, "But I don't see any glacier.""Oh, really?" said the guide. "I guess it has gone back for more rocks."

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