Road Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was this blonde lady in a row boat in the middle of the desert
rowing this boat. In the middle of this desert there was a road. Another blonde lady was
driving down the road and saw the other blonde lady, she stopped her car got out
"Your the reason blondes have such bad names!!! If I could swim,
I'd go out there and kick your ass!!!"
Bill Gates compares the computer industry with General Motors
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall more...
A young couple was out cruising one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off all of your clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up.
When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off, he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car over.
The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help.", he pleads. She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says "Cover your crotch with that and go get help from the gas station down the road."
She takes the shoe, covers herself between the legs, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "HELP! HELP! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch more...
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road, and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians.A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.The old farmer said he had buried them.The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. "If you get in the car," the driver says, "I'll give you $10 and a piece of candy." The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving the car pulls over again. "How about $20 and two pieces of candy?"The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking. Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road. "OK," he says, "this is my final offer. I'll give you $50 and all the candy you can eat." The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in. "Look," he says to the driver. "You bought the Chevrolet, Dad. You'll have to live with it!"
* "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
* "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
* "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
* "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
* "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
* "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
* "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
* "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
* "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
* "I was more...
By now I'm sure that you have heard all the Redneck jokes. Now here are some takes on how Southern folks look at their Northern cousins:
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A YANKEE IF: You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside." You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY! You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly. For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits. You don't know what a moon pie is. You've never had an RC cola. You've never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips. You have no idea what a polecat is. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle. You don't have bangs. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut. You would rather have your son become a more...