Ritual Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    October 28, 1958 - Angleo Giuseppe Roncalli was elected Pope. He took the name John XXIII.
    TRADITION
    Every time a new pope is elected, there are a lot of rituals and ceremonies that have to be gone through, in accordance with tradition. Well, there's one tradition that very few people know about.
    Shortly after the new pope is enthroned, the chief rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the pope's presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope.
    The pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection.
    The chief rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next pope is elected. John XXIII was intrigued by this ritual, whose origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing. When the time came and the chief rabbi was shown into his presence, he more...

    You insist that your boss call you "Rowan Starchild" because
    otherwise you'd sue for religious harrassment. (Score double for this
    if you don't let that patronizing bastard call you "Mr. or
    Ms. Starchild.")
    You've ever confused the Prime Directive with the Wiccan Rede.
    You've ever cast a spell with twenty-sided dice.
    You said it was bigotry when they didn't let you do that
    ritual in front of city hall. It had nothing to do with the skyclad
    bit.
    You picketed The Craft and Hocus Pocus, but thought that the
    losers who picketed The Last Temptation of Christ needed to get lives.
    You've ever publicly claimed to be an elf, alien, vampire,
    faerie, or demigod, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone
    took you seriously.
    You've ever publically claimed to be the reincarnation of
    Gardner, Merlin, Aleister Crowley, King Arthur, Cleopatra, Morgana Le
    Fay, or Jim Henson, and been genuinely surprised when not more...

    Strange Ritual

    Hot 3 years ago

    Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket.
    This continued several times before Joe's curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?"
    The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!"

    Santa walks into a bar in Ludhiana and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches Santa go through a peculiar ritual.
    "Happy Birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday" Each time he says the word he drinks the beer. Then he pays and walks out.
    One year later he enters the same bar again and orders the same thing. The bartender watches him go through the same ritual. Curious, he asks Santa why.
    "Well" Santa says, "I have a friend in Canada and a friend in Sydney. We have our birthdays on the same day. We can't be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other. We have been doing this for 20 years since we were 18."
    The next year Santa comes in and asks the bartender for two beers. The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of Santa and watches him say "happy birthday, happy birthday!"
    The bartender asks "So more...

    Pagan Lightbulb Jokes (Okay, this is REALLY vague, but I'm sure some people are going to love it...)

    *How many lesbian feminist Dianic Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!

    *How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?

    (any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwards...

    *How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?

    Only one, but that bulb has really got to want to change.

    *How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?

    You can change it whenever you are empowered to do so.

    *How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?

    Not sure.....we'll call Z. Bhudapest and get back to you!

    *How many Dianic women does it take to change a lightbulb?

    That's W-I-M-M-I-N, more...

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